Boulder Fog

Boulder is the kind of place that if your not doing something healthy, you feel like a total slop. I am slop. Everywhere I looked someone was either running, biking or doing something ridiculously healthy. I just took pictures and went to meetings. I didn't even have the energy to flip the bird to the 5 Hummers I saw. I'm slipping.

The 5 hour drive was hard on my hip, despite 3 stops to stretch and eat each way. I guess we can cross truck driver off of the list of professions for me.

Matt and Kelly are doing awesome, and there baby is nothing shy of adorable. There will be a lot of new pictures to see soon on the cutting room floor.

Here in Colorado we like to start them off young. By the end of the night he couldn't form a sentence, started pointing at things that didn't make any sense and spitting on people. Lush.

Then I met with Greg and his posse for ice cream.

I woke up this morning dangerously early, to find a vary large black man in the living room with a bunch of papers and plastic containers.

'Awfully early for a delivery isn't it Matt?' (he's standing there in his shorts)

'Drug test.'

(It's early, I haven't had coffee, my first thought is....what the hell is Matt on parole for? I snap out of it. Oh yea, he's a pro athlete, that's why)

'Wanna take one?'

'Nah, whatever their testing for, I'd fail. I'm a dope. Everyone knows it.'

(amazingly enough the drug tester had a sense of humor at 6am. And that laugh was the only noise I heard out of the guy. After that I found the whole situation creepy. He has to watch you go? Made me not be able to pee for the rest of the day)

Turns out that the Body Worlds exhibit is sold out. Except for 2:30 am -4:30am on Sat and Sunday. Can't even rush the gate. Bummer

Maybe next time....in a different city.

I'm being eaten alive

The Dutch translation for mosquitoes is 'little fucker'. That could not be more appropriate.

Oh god this story.

(I'm about to pop soon from the craziness (despite your entertainment) so that I can work on these ulcers and lay off of the anxiety medication.)

So it hasn't been the best couple of days. My trip to Boulder was purposely cut short, so instead of blogging from Einstein Bagels this morning with the PYT, I'm still in GJ typing away at my desk. I'll still go, just not for as long as I was hoping. (there was a rule breaker involved) I'm seeing my lawyer in Boulder (who for some reason is my anxiety problem), and going to the museum on Thursday for the last week of the BodyWorks exhibit, and the Training for the Tour de France movie at IMax.
That will be my reward for not snapping in the law office.

So my story. I had a date. It was bad. And just like salt in the wound for the rest of the night.
What happened Amanda?
Oh, let me tell you. So it really was 105 here the other day. And this guy that I met earlier in the week called to see if I wanted to go up to the Mesa and go hiking. Lets call him....Matt Foley. Knowing that it is usually 20-30 degrees cooler up there, I said yes. And I decided to drive. (the Jeep not the bus, I was afraid with the heat the bus might blow up)
We head up to the Mesa and it's your average 'uncomfortable don't really know this person' chit chat. I realize about half way up the mountain that I suck at this. I also realize half way up the mountain that I don't have any bug spray. If you don't know me, you should know that around 20 I developed allergies to bug bites. Spiders being the worse, and 7 mosquito bites=1 spider bite. Don't even get me started on bees. So my logic is: If I am hiking fast enough, it won't be a problem. My logic is shit. I got eaten alive the second we got close to the lake. Then I had to pee and the only facility near a campsite was infested with bees, so I opted to copasquat in the woods. A mosquito bit my butt. And like my pee, that's the point where everything started to roll down hill.
I think for a second, and instantly know that the benadryll is in the bus with the bugspray.
I've got to get out of here.
When I climb back up the hill (scratching my butt of course), I asked Foley to count the bites on my back.
9
+ 1 on my butt and 4 on my legs=
We need to get the hell out of here.

I don't think either of us were really comfortable on the drive down the mountain, me (just wanting to make it to the country store in Mesa to buy Benadryll before I can't breath) rubbing my back side to side on the back of the seat, scratching like a jonesing crack head on my legs butt and head. And him trying to tell me to stop scratching them. I shoot him 'The Look' I learned from Lance Armstrong.

Nothing more to say.

Except when I went to drop him off I asked where his house was......
(I had picked him up at the rec center)
'Yea, about that........I sold my house 2 months ago.'
(well, I knew he was moving in 2 weeks)
'Um ok, so where are you staying?'
'In my car....well, van actually'
(I'm pulling up in this parking lot and see the green minivan)
Thank god this is over. And you know me, I can't help but throw one last one out there..so I ask.....
'Ever park it down by the river?'

Deal breaker #2. (a lesson I learned early on) Don't date men who live in there cars.

The heat makes me cranky

Gosh I don't even know where to start with this story.
Crazy? Yes.
Kicked out of a public health facility? Almost.
And it's all Zweifels fault. (Dr. Zweifel, he was quick to point out to me on the phone) That's right, hundreds of miles away from me and you've still managed to make me look like a crazy person in public.

So my shots. We are all aware of the bagillion shots that I have to take before I can start the rad tech program right? Right. So I found myself today back in the waiting room to get the TB test read and round 2 shots. Today's poison? Measles Mumps and Rubella (MMR). Sounds familiar....Wasn't Zweifel telling me something about this shot? He's on a research team? Yea, I even wrote it down....Note says 'new bottle, shake 15 minutes'. Ok, yea I remember now, there was even a speech involving 'If you don't listen to anything else I say....Something something....Shake at least 15 minutes. Promise me.' And I did. Which leads me back to the waiting room where today I was #17.
Knowing this time when your number is called doesn't necessarily mean your going behind the magic curtain Dorothy, I asked the nurse when she gave me the paperwork, if I could go ahead and get my vile and rub it between my hands Mr. Miagi style.
And here is where the trouble began.............. (hey I have immediate access to the back room!)
'Your shot is fine'
Thanks for the vote of confidence but I would like it mixed for 15 minutes. I understand your busy, so I'll do it myself if you just give it to me and come back in 15.
We go over why, and she tells me I have bad information, and I tell her I'm not really concerned with her opinion, I am decided on this. (Besides I did promise)

'Fine I'll shake it' (she leaves the room with the vile, and just in case you've never been in this situation before, you can here EVERYTHING said in the hallway at the nurses station)
Whatever, I've been called worse. She comes back 6 minutes later, and holds the vile close to my face.
'See, nothing in the bottom, all dissolved'
(enter black woman that secretly lives inside of me. 'hello black woman, haven't seen you in a while' And you know, once the black woman is out, there is not turning back)

Clear a path

"Yea. I don't think it's about what I can and can't see. And you know what? I don't believe you just shook that vile while you were out of this room. (I lean in) You need to talk quieter. Besides that it hasn't been 15 minutes."

(this set an obvious poor tone for the rest of my visit at the office)

She refused to continue to mix the vile while staying in the room with me, and I refused to let her give me the shot.
"In my 27 years of a nurse I have never been more offended in my life"
Yea yea.
What are you offended about? This has nothing to do with you. This has to do with me and what's in that vile. You didn't make the shot, so I don't see what your problem is. So now we have just wasted 5 minutes arguing this when I could have been shaking my own damn shot.
(I reach over and take it off of the tray) But if you have any intention of getting this shot into my arm, it's going to be 15 minutes from now. Stay here or leave and come back. I don't care.
(we continue to argue.) Seriously argue. And I don't argue...Unless the black lady is out. And god help us all she was out in 102 degree weather, which just makes me cranky. And the whole time I have my vile inbetween my hands surprised at the fact that I haven made fire with the speed of my hands.

But I got my shot.
And I'll now have to find a different facility to receive the rest of them.

Sales pitch

I'm running ahead of my own schedule today, so I decided to pack it up and blog from downtown. The Mesa pool hours are LAME.
The perks of living downtown. Just throw everything into a backpack, leash the dog, and we're off. (Sativa makes friends no matter where we go. This little girl was drawing pictures in the dirt of what my dog was telling her. I found it adorable.)

So my story today revolves around some very kind people and their terrible sales pitches of their friends to fix me up with. I think anyone who is not me will find this funny. Seriously, if your going to try and fix up two people, take a second and think about your sales pitch before you just dive right into it.
Have you had this happen before? Someone says:
Oh I have the perfect person for you to meet!
And then they proceed to tell you the most hideous description of that friend.
Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the honesty, but every time the look on my face says it all. (If you know me, you may have seen this face before.....Furrowed brow, head slightly cocked to the side, and the ever famous nose flair, mouth slightly open as if I'm going to say something, but have found myself speechless)

I had this look on my face last night, not once, but twice.

Scenario 1: (Coming from another server when I was at work) So Amanda, I was thinking maybe I could introduce you to my brother in law......(I'm making tea, so I find this conversation coming out of nowhere.)
What?
Yea, he's just moving back from Moab, been going through some hard times, trying to get his life back together. He's been in a lot of trouble, so he's coming here to live with us. Yea know, get cleaned up.
(I put down the tea filter and immediately that look has crossed my face)
And so you thought of me? Thanks Matt. Sounds like just my type. Lets work on that sales pitch next time ok?
Oh. Yea, that was pretty bad wasn't it?
Yea. I think I'll pass.
Hey, don't tell my wife I described him like that.

Scenario 2: (Hippy mama who found Beck for me comes flowing up to the bar well as I'm waiting for drinks)
Hey sister (she says)
Hi! (my inner hippy comes out and we hug)
Listen, my friend over there thinks your cute. I think you guys should meet, You'll like him, he kayaks.
Oh yea?
Yea, his girlfriend just committed suicide 3 weeks ago, but he's doing really well with it.
(oh my god, what is going on tonight?! The nose flares. Whaa? Speechless. That's part of your sales pitch?)
Peggy just looks at me. (She reads my look well) Laughs, apologizes and goes back to her barstool.


I know I don't have the highest of standards, but I know enough to back away from Mr. I just got out of jail and Mr. I'm about to be checked into therapy.

Speaking of therapy (I'm a winner myself I know). Does it seem weird to anyone else that I see my therapist through a TV screen? Seriously. I go into a room with a camera and a TV screen and she pops up on the screen and I appear on hers. As if that's not weird enough, a nurse comes into the room and sits in the corner.

Does anyone watch this show at home?

Am I a reality TV show and no one is telling me about it?

Birthday girls

Never really a good thing when you wake up with a headache. Especially when it's the one that you couldn't shake from yesterdays incident at the Health Center. I'll admit, I tried to self medicate yesterday with Mai Ti's. I got to celebrate two of my favorite girls birthdays, and headache or not, I wasn't going to let that stop me. The drinks were at the sushi restaurant with Heather....Not Graces 1st birthday party (although I'm sure had shown up in South Carolina, someone would have given me a drink there too) Look at that cutie, I can't believe she didn't stick her face straight into the cake. Actually my money is on Neals face going straight into the pie.....







Everytime I hop on the bike in anything other then spandex, I flash back to the 6th grade as I roll my right pant leg up. And in my head....'running just as fast as we can...hold-in on to one another's ha-and'. (Ok, so no one else sings to themselves 80's songs? Don't you judge me)

Heather was surprised, as was the intent, and Trig gets bonus points for buying his wife thong underwear and cowboy boots for her birthday. He leaned over the table.......'with any luck, that's what she'll be wearing later'
That guy makes me laugh.
I love the fact that my married friends are so fun together. Amy & Neal with their birthday girl Grace, and Trig and his birthday wifey Heather. You guys are the best examples of happy couples for a single heartless girl like myself. ( my usual surrounding of dysfunction got the night off I guess)
Riding home I was quickly reminded of the headache with every crack in the road shooting pain straight to my head.
Owch, pedal pedal pedal bump, owch, pedal pedal bump owch.



Lets see if I can't drink this headache away today before work.. I'll use water this time.

Always good for a laugh

Situational Self Awareness Scenario:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer:
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round". You're drunk.

Agh, I needed that funny joke after my day
Normally I am a kind and understanding person, especially towards kids.

Today was a completely different story.

I had to go to Mesa County Health department for round 1 of the shots for the Rad tech department. But really after 48 minutes of being number 93 in the waiting room, I would have taken a shot in the eyeball to get away from the family of 8 kids in line waiting for their youngest brothers kindergarten shots. It was funny for a while as they were torturing him with stories of needles and injections.....Then it started hitting a little too close to home and my head started pounding. The pounding and the screaming and the smells....Oh god the smell coming from one of those kids...sweet jesus.
Turns out the following can be added to the list of things not to say in public:

Little boy, if I hear the Bob the Builder song one more time I am going to hold you down and papercut you to death with the Highlights magazine.
and:
I hope your in here for birth control.

I wanted to high five people when my number was finally called. I looked over at the grey haired lady swatting one of the middle aged kids out of her purse and felt her pain. See you know it was bad if even a grandma wasn't amused.
The receptionist handed me a stack of papers to fill and told me to sit down and wait for the nurse.
Great.
Now that 4 year old that I stuck my tongue out at when I got up is eyeballing me.
In the end I have never been happier to get shots in my life.

Just Mostly Dead

You will attain ultimate glory in ...

Dueling to the Death - you always quote from the Princess Bride

'In" what rejected sport will you attain your greatest glory?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Inconceivable!


I'm following in Amy's footsteps and made a link to the rejected photos page. Look to the right mom....the right mom, it's the last one under People Who I peek In On. There you go.

It's raining and nasty here today. I tried to be productive when I got home from work and pulled my mid back trying to wash the dog. Don't ask me how. I'm going to tell everyone it was a trapeze accident. Or something better that I'll think of later.

CLEAR!!!

'What" will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Ah. Today was spent learning rescue tips and running scenarios that I hope to god never happen. Made up scenarios of course. So now, if you find yourself in a situation....(chest pains, respiratory distress, lodged crispy cream donut in your oesophagus) I'm the girl to get out my air mask to protect me from your cuties...or vice versa. Pound on your chest (sir! can you hear me?) and defib your heart as your floating away to the promise land ....just enough volts to bring you back to feel the painful electrodes quivering into your every nerve cell. This will of course be followed by another shocking when the bill arrives and you drop to your knees again.(Ummm welcome back sir, please remember to recycle this time) Or maybe I could just call anambulance....Whatever. Professional rescuer 101, which actually is very little difference from a first responder, except I get to yell 'clear!' and press a button. Really anyone who owns one of those machines can do that too....You just have a better chance in court to sue me instead of him if your nipple rings aren't removed during shocking and you suddenly find yourself nippless. (scenario #288). Now all that's left is 6 painful shots, and the all white 'I'm a rookie, please don't trust me with anything important' outfit to buy. I think I'm going to go the non-traditional route and skip the scrubs and go for the below the knee white skirt. That's how I'll express my inner rebel....Through the flashing of my chicken legs.

Inappropriate men

Here's a thought........

If you are on vacation with intent to propose to your girlfriend.....It wouldn't be the wisest decision to call me up and ask me out. In case there was any doubt, that's a BAD idea.

I don't even know where to begin with the million issues I have with this.

Requesting tower fly by

So I'm home now from McVanagons maiden voyage. From the beginning people have asked:

And young lady what are you going to do when your bus breaks down?

Well, I guess I'll just climb into the back and make some pancakes till AAA arrives.

No AAA pancakes this trip. Crested Butte really is a fantastic spot. It made me miss the cool mountain air of Winter Park. This will be my first summer boiling in the desert, so it's nice to know that there is an oasis just a bus put put away. Molly and I got some play time in before the drive out. 706, Lost Lake trail (really not that hard to find the lake), and then looped up to Dollar Lake to the pass. But the hype is right, anything out there is good, as long as your out there doing it. The flowers are in bloom, as well as every bug known to mankind. There was actually a buzzing in the air.

Something bit the top of my foot during the night tree run, so my

lefty is swollen up like a hobbit. The benadril was packed for that very reason, but taking off in anything other then flip flips was less then entertaining. Speaking of entertainment, you know that scene in Dirty Dancing where they are learning the Cha cha on the log over the river? Yea well here is me failing miserably at the reenactment. Two three cha cha chaaaaaaaahhh!

We pulled into GJ with not the fastest time ever, but there was a sweet downhill tailwind at one point where Beck pulled another sweet 70. I was dumb enough to take my hands off the flying breadbox to snap picture proof. And of course no trip is complete without a Hummer getting the bird. Double whammy coming from a bus. Now there is about 4 loads of laundry to do, and 3 showers to get the dirt/sunscreen/bugspray layers off. Cheers to Molly and her shoe eating pup Abby for being brave enough to take the first trip with me....the shirt speaks truth.

Can't get much cooler then Pink Glasses

Would I dare?

Well the Crested Butte parade was everything I could hope for and pink doggie glasses. Here are some of my favorite floats from the parade.....


Bikes jumping fire, couch pulling on skis and the accordion playing, beer drinking dads who wanted to see boobies. I don't think that there is much that can keep you out of the CB parade....I can just see those three guys explaining to the parade director.....'Well, I can play the accordion...and Jim here can play the guitar.....Billy is going to let us borrow his truck, so he wants to ride in the back with us and look at boobies'.

Sounds good boys your in. Good times.

Beck McVanagon served up his first hot cooked meal of Steak and scallops with a side of asparagus for the 4th. Yum. Then we hiked up to watch the fireworks....which I actually didn't get to see due to a doggie panic attack.

I know, there is going to be a lot of talk about the bus, so your either going to have to get used to it or start visiting another site. There is one more day to put up with me and Crested Butte pictures, and a whole lot more of me telling you how awesome of a time we had, and how sweet my bus is. I'll be back to my crazy life soon enough where I am trying to postpone dealing with.....well I'll tell you about it later. Happy trails everyone!

6 hours strong

2 Passes.
Slowest speed 15mph
Fastest speed 72mph
5 hours (after picking up Molly on I70).
Dirt road taking us in.
Great Views.
4 Wheeling to the camp spot.
Smelly Dog.


What a sweet ride. Molly and I sat up last night and watched a DVD on my laptop, I woke up at 6 and ran around with the dogs, only to be greeted by Sativa covered in Elk shit. Ummm. It is impossible to fit a dog underneath the sink in the bus to wash her off. So I used up all of the water to soak her down and drove into town. Turns out there is a parade at 11. We keep looking at each other saying.....'Ya know really, I could stay till Friday.......or longer.'
This place is awesome.

Madness. Pure utter madness

REI sales are the best. Liz and I had great plans on being there at 7:30 for opening. We got there just before 8 and there was a line. Ok, so we go to stand in line. Turns out they open at 10. Crazy bastards waiting in line two hours, we opted for breakfast
At 9:30 I went back as Liz rushed home for work. I promised her that I would hold a spot in line for her so that she could get a tent and two sleeping pads. These people were INSANE. Swear to god, you would have thought that they were giving things away for free. The lady in green was going up to everyone asking them what they had there eye on....she wanted a camping stove and a tent and let everyone know it. She would even point to the one she wanted. When she asked me, I told her I was just driving by and saw a line........ so I thought maybe I should go stand in it. The people next to me laughed but she didn't think I was funny.Don't need a tent, got a bus to sleep in, don't need a stove, got a stove in the bus, so you can cross me off of the list of people to trample over on the way in. Like clockwork at 10 people bum rushed the gate. Liz got her tent and pads and I waked around with that lady's stove (afterall she couldn't grab the tent and the stove at the same time). No I'm just kidding I didn't do that....thought about it though. Just a few odds and ends for my trip this coming week. Going someplace I haven't been before....I hear it's epic...and there is a holy grail, which hopefully means that there is wine. Oh that reminds me I need to get wine goblets for the bus.
Happy weekend everybody.

Holy crap batman.
http://msn.foxsports.com/cycling/story/5732336

Not as earthy as I thought

I'm up this morning in my usual morning attire, cut off sweat pants, tank top, my favorite Totally Wired coffee/bike shop hoodie. Not to be left out is the craziness that we know as my muppet hair, pressed back into a very stylish headband all the while letting the ends poke out like a porcupine ready to fire. My phone rings. It's early, must be mom. Nope. It's the dentist office downstairs. They have someone coming in to spray for the bugs. 'What bugs?'
Oh we have cockroaches downstairs.
Sweet, like I needed to know that.

Before I can even protest pesticide spraying in my house there is a knock on my door. I hang up. Open the door. There is a guy in a Budweiser t-shirt holding a green tank and a metal spray hose. Instantly the King of The Hill song pops in my head.
(I look out to the parking lot....Please let me see a giant roach on the top of a van please! Nah, just a Honda civic with the company logo on the side. Damn)
'This will only take a moment'

"Whoa there big man, hold on. What are you spraying downstairs, is it harmful my dog, and I think I'll pass on it being sprayed in my apartment. I'm against the whole chemicals flying around my apartment thing." (meanwhile my fearless attach dog is wiggling like a jello shooter holding her Eyore doll in her mouth) I look down at her and shake my head, she better be high on the fumes for this kind of behavior.

He looks confused. After all it is 8 am and my coffee intake is peaking and the above sentence came out really fast along with the black woman 'stop' hand held out in front of me. The visual of me and my muppet hair is a total bonus.
(suddenly I'm not the only one on the porch on a coffee buzz.)

'Um, Ok, Where do I even start with this. First, It is not harmful to pets, it's a (blah diddy blah blah ) combination of chemicals. If you are completely against spraying I understand, but I can tell you first hand that if I don't spray the roaches will migrate to the area that has not been protected. Regardless if you have seen them before now. I'm sure you'll be fine living with roaches.

'Ok then, Please come in.'