I swear I'm not dead mom.

This week is flying by and I keep looking down to make sure that my pants are still on. I have a lot to get done each week and my blogging is going to suffer.

I think Amy should take up my slack and post every other day to calm the masses.

While juggling it all I have the three dogs to watch over while the truck driver is off killing Bambi.....or an antelope. The German Shepard....that I like to call ding dong, is very excited all of the time. Hes never allowed to get on the couch, and now I know why. But he is very suportive of my studdying, and thinks that if he shoves his head as tight as he can behind my back, maybe I wont see him.


The weekend at the spa was amazing. There are only a few pictures, due to my forgetfulness of packing the camera every day, and the lack of anyone letting me bring it into the spa. Which is kind of sad, because I would have loved to have taken a picture of the massage therapist that I sort of got molested by during my treatment. The Swiss love me....even the women.

Ok, but just really quick. I HAVE been meaning to blog, but I've been caught up in life. I'd sit down to long on, but the Internet connection seems slow, and the phone rigs with another crash of a body part. It's been flying by like the view from the basset hounds ears.

School is changing every week now, surgery is over, and so is nuclear medicine, ultrasound is next, and I met a man who was a gigolo in 1934. The truck driver learned to water ski, a baby projectile vomited down my shirt all while I'm buying stock in blank flash cards. I have a paper to write, a test tomorrow, and then a weekend to rejuvenate here.

I promise to take the camera.....I'll keep it out of the spa, but hopefully the fall colors will be out in the mountains.

Until then it's time to get back to the flash cards....but I'll leave you with the 91 year old gigolo joke.

Why are babies so fragile when their born?

Because they're only put together with one screw.

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Just a Teaser

Ok, I'm home, and I have to get to the hospital, but here is a quick snapshot of the girls as they

got off of the plane. If someone was busting a superstar, this shot would have said it all.

Seriously.

I'm nervous. Not about my first exam tomorrow......I'm nervous about the southern girls flying in tomorrow.

Please god dont let us go to jail

He's Alive!!!!!

Whooo HOoooo! Beck McVanagan is ALIVE!!!!

Kicking and Screaming

I started my new semester today.

Surgery.

It was a little wishy washy day for me, but overall.....I think it's going to turn out a rotation that I like.

I'll catch up with you kids sometime by the end of the week.

But I DID survive the first day.

300th Post!!

Blogger informed me when I logged on that I was on my three hundredth post. Whoo hooo drop the balloons kiddos and break out the bubbly.

Too bad I don't have a great story for you. You would think that the three hundredth I would bust out with the good stuff.

Here are some re-cap pictures of my month off.... Tiff and I went to Mt Rushmore, then with the whole American Treasure theme, I went to the derby and cheered for the USA shaggin wagon. Then at the fair the truck driver and I oohed and ahhed over the size of this turkey. On a side note that monster sold at the auction for $1700. Then he bought spider pig, so guess who's going to a hog roast soon....



The Relay for Life in Granby was fun....in a 3am running kind of way. I was freezing my ass off, so I decided to call mom and dad and see if they were up at 5. Turns out they weren't. Keva and I left with a deflated beach ball and a box of donuts, but our team raised 1700.....too bad I didn't have that turkey to raffle off.

Sadly I bought my modules today for class. Yup. Class starts on Monday. I dont want to go back to school. My ulcer is quiet, my skin is good, and I am finally getting some sleep. I foresee myself crying like a five year old as I walk to class on monday.

I break for Pie

Purple Pie Place. South Dakota.

Even with the month off I still don't blog!!

Geez.

Somewhere in my travels have misplaced the camera upload cord. Don't fret my pets, you can go see Tiffany for a good ole fashion photo montage.

As for me, I've been hanging out a lot with a trucker. Guilty. Judge away. Tonight we are going with Amy and Devon to the derby. Umm redneck fun. I'm packing bush lite....

When I sober up in the morning I'll be off to Winter Park to run in the ACS Relay for Life this weekend. Hours and hours of running at night....hummmm. I have to stop agreeing to do things while under the influence of tasty adult beverages.

I'm hoping as I unpack and repack that the camera cord will magically reappear. If not I promise to pick one up in Denver on my way home.

Ah the sunset at Carhenge. The first of America Treasures that the sister and I are seeing this weekend.

I am very disappointed that the 'I got Stoned at Carhenge' shirts were sold out. So I stole a little piece of the car to keep as a reminder.

Off to see the wizard

I'm in Nebraska with the Superstaaa Sister. Tonight we're going to watch the sunset over carhenge. Don't you worry, I brought my sketchbook to capture the magic of it all. Then we're off to go see one of Americas great

national treasures. I was told if I play my cards right I can hop a velvet rope and get a secret shot up someones nose. Oh just you wait. Until then I need to rest and find the allergy medicine.

Super Staaa!

Shagin Wagon out

I'm hooooome!!!!

For the last few days Ive been on the road, landing in New Mexico at Navajo Lake with Big red truck and Little Girl. On a side note, traveling in two cars with walkie talkies are freaking hysterical.

We got to the marina at a whopping ten o clock at night and took the boat over to cocaine cove where we camped.

Besides lathering on spf 50 / 4 times a day and still being red, we did what campers do.

Little time on the boat, little whiplash on the tube, little four wheeling, obviously a little drinking when there is a picture of you on a water tower. Luckily there is no picture of anyone passed out next to the campfire.......at least not one that I am ever going to show you that is.

Then at 4:30 this morning the alarms went off in the tent to head out of camp. See Little Girl had to be back in GJ by 10.

But the early bird catches the bear.

Now its time to clean up and get to that Simpsons movie!!!!

A case of mistaken Identity

Here I am. Typing away, thinking.....where do I start with this story?

So we remember the guy from the gas station right?

Well with clinical over and some free time, I agreed to a date.

Why you ask?

Because all signs pointed to me being able to tell you a funny story.

Ya see, this guy was REALLY vague about what he did when we talked on the phone. Pretty much avoided the question at all cost. One day he called from a number that I didn't have programed into my phone....so I called the number back. I got a voicemail message for him.......

At the Beaver Trucking Company.

Yea. Great jokes all week on this one. I hung up without leaving a message and instantly started planning in my head how this date was going to go so I could tell YOU a funny story. Ya know, make up for the lame posts while in internship. Immediately I decided I am going to go out on a date with a truck driver from Beaver trucking. My main goal of the date was to get a tall brim trucker hat that said Beaver Trucking on it.

Even if it meant stealing it from his pickup.

Last night the truck driver picked me up in his jacked up Suburban that I literally needed a boost up to get into. I look around for the hat.

In the monster truck, I mention him being a trucker....because he's never really told me what he did, I needed him to know that I was totally fine with it, and hopefully by the end of the date I'd be comfortable enough to ask for the hat.

He looks over at me with a 'what the hell are you talking about?' look.

'Ya, know, the Beaver trucking company, I heard the message from the number you called me from, I laughed.'

Blank stare.

'Maybe you should be watching the road....'

Wow. Where do I start with all that? OK. I called you from my OFFICE one day, from BEERS TRUCKING, that I OWN, and have a fleet of WATER TRUCKS that are used to cool the drill bits on each machine in the oil fields.

'Oh. So there is no 18 wheeler that you drive huh?'

No.

At this point we were at the restaurant. Being led through the tables full of people I wanted to crawl under a chair and try and take back the 'your a trucker' comment. Out the door and up the stairs to the 'garden rooftop' that over looks the golf course and the national monument.

......where there is only one table made and the rest are pushed to the sides of the wall.

Yea. Totally not a truck driver.

Coming Soon to a town near you.....

Well guys, summer internship is over. One semester left to go. And one month off.

Of course since I Don't have to wake up at 6, I've been waking up at 1, and 4, and 4:47, and then I finally give up and get out of bed around 6.

Without missing a beat, I have a runny nose like someone has hidden a cat in my apartment. I keep asking the pup in between fits of 8 sneezes in a row (personal record)......'Are you hiding a kitten from me somewhere?'

In an attempt to just get some fresh air and cool off, the two of us headed out to Glade Park this morning. It was so much cooler up there, and I just might have come across some secret trails for the future.

Teva and I are impossible to get in one picture. After three attempts, I realized it looked like some peeping tom was taking a picture of me peeing behind a tree. I crack myself up even when there is no one else around to laugh.

You get the picture

I spent two hours in a CPR class last night only to realize half way through, it wasn't the certification that I needed. I immediately jumped up and left....poor quad amputee Annie dummy laying lifeless on the carpet.

It was a good thing I left anyways. Maggie and I had already been in trouble for laughing during class and had to be separated. Seriously. They call these dummies Annie....Who didn't think of the Michael Jackson song 'Annie are you OK, Annie are you OK, are you OK Annie"?

I can't help it if my singing inspired her to do the MJ Smooth Criminal dance and make me laugh so hard I snorted while trying to give rescue breaths.

I am going to be freaking useless in an emergancy situation.

Michael Jackson Smooth Criminal

Rules of remaining friends after a break up

It has come to my attention that some rules must be put in order. Feel free to comment any additions that you may have.......

Rules of remaining friends with you ex: By Miss King

1) Phone calls may only be made to tell a funny story. Exceptions may be made if you had a shitty day and need to hear a funny story, you may call the other person, but only to be cheered up. No one shall be denied a funny story.

2.) Weddings and Deaths must be notified by mail only. Texting does not fall into this category.

3.) Significant others must be asked by the other person. (ex: I must ask...'so how is that dirty whore your seeing?) Then you may bring her up. Only to have the beginning of the answer to start with....'well, she's no you'.....and then you may answer. Under no circumstances do you or I divulge that information without the other asking.

4.) We are to always assume that the other is seeing someone else. (ex: when I tell you I went on a 4 day camping/kayaking trip, you must assume that I was with my new boyfriend that is a much better person then you are)

5.) Your friends and family are my friends. My friends and my family will always dislike you. They may be nice to your face when they see you, but when the breaks on your car are cut, you'll know where their loyalty lies.

6.) Neither one of us will drown in denial about the past again. Conversations about the past will not only be breaking rule #1, but it will make me feel sad, and frankly, no one has a good time when I'm sad.

7.) We both promise not to judge the others life decisions. All laughter about how much of a bad idea that is will be pushed down to the 'church giggle' level until the phone conversation is over.

8.) If at any time we are ever in the same space, you and I will never have any physical contact.

9.) All alcohol consumption must be honestly admitted at the beginning of each conversation.

10.) No one ever gets hung up on. No matter how much of a jackass comment was just made. (ex: referencing the immediate need to go buy more condoms and rum)

11.) Rules may be added at any time, but must be put in writing into the original document, and a copy must be emailed back to the other person so they know the new rule.

12.) Any amendments to above rules must be agreed upon by a 75% majority. In a filibuster situation, decision will be made by the dog, Sativa Maria Cookieface Columbus Pastel La La La Easter King. She will hear the argument without prejudice. Tail wag=pass no tail wag=fail.

Trouble

I'm not going to lie. One of us.....oh hell what am I saying, we're all going to jail.


We'll be like this joke:

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the run from the law when they find an old barn to hide out in. The police are close on their tails, so when the women find three sacks, they immediately jump into them. About a minute later, a policeman comes into the barn and sees the suspicious-looking sacks. He kicks the first one.


"Meow," says the redhead.


"It must be a cat," thinks the policeman and he kicks the second sack.


"Woof," says the brunette.



"Must be a dog," thinks the policeman and he kicks the third sack.


"Potatoes," says the blonde



yes. I realize that I am the blonde.


Amy, Fran, Molly and I are going to the Snowmass Jazz fest. God help the airline that let the three of them on one flight. Hopefully they recycle those mini bottles. Don't even ask. We are going to be in the bus. I will make SURE the bus is done.
You know thats how 4 southern girls roll.

Just a few pictures from the weekend of the fourth......

I became the poster child for lost tourist hiker...(note: not a good idea to head out on a hike alone in a tank top, shorts, cowboy hat, fly rod, half a muffin, a nalgine bottle and the dog)

Don't worry mom, I had on a helmet when the ride actually started.

Now I guess it's back to the 9-5......sigh.

I miss the cool mountain air when I get home to 102.

Jedi mind trick

Um. So I pulled you over because you were speeding.

'I can not argue that fact'

(he laughs) But I'm not going to give you a ticket.

(then as soon as the words came out of his mouth a look of shock goes across his face. .....I can only conclude that after dating a cop, I now have jedi mind trick over them.)

'Whoa. You cant take that back after you said it, and I heard it!'

Well. Lets take a look at your license, registration and insurance.

'Ok, but you said I wasn't getting a ticket.'

I hand him my pile of paperwork, all the while my dog has pushed her head past the bike and through the side of my seat to get a look at this guy out my window.

3 minutes rolls by....not that I was timing him or anything.....and another cop car , lights flashing pulls in behind him.

Oh dear god. I am about to wet my pants. Multiple cop cars, not a good sign. I'm thinking about the multiple jury summons I never went to. And frankly a few other things crossed my mind.

They both walk up to the car. Tevas head still sticking out. I'm adding up the cost of bail in my head.

'I cant believe I told you I wasn't going to write you a ticket'

I cant believe you called for backup.

He laughs and explains to me some kind of training procedure they're doing, and hands me all of my information back.

'My not getting a ticket must be some kind of 4th of July miracle then.'

Damn straight . Slow down.