You know who you are.
Anyway. My secret.
I completely lack the ability to hawk a luggie. Much to the disappointment of my farm raised family, I can not. My father is shamed by this I know. This lack of lugie hawking has lead me in this past week, to gag the second I cough, and anything hits my throat I soon throw up.
Say like at work. Where they wouldn't let me call in sick despite my appearance, I wound up gagging into the kitchen trash can until I can spit up a big wad of the nastiness residing in my lungs. Oh yea, and did I mention that I blew my nose so much that the blood vessels in my nose bust, so I bleed everytime I blow? Good stuff.
So your following me now right? You can picture the red crusty nose and pale, I've been living off of cereal all week and have zero nutrition value right now look right?
Right.
Which leads me to today. When I wake up and feel much better then the past 5 days. Sweet. (I think to myself) I go to class. Chauffeured by Dan, who brings me cookies at 7:30 in the morning baked by his wife. It's going to be a better day. Despite my appearance, The Cookies Have Spoken.
I get a 100 on my anatomy test, and pass my physics quiz with flying colors.
Good lord it looks like being sick and forcing myself to read since I couldn't move off of the couch all week is really paying off!
And then I go to my chiropractor appointment. And I walk through the door in my sweat pants and red nose, and the place is packed, and there is one chair left and look!!!!
Its right next to Ponches mom.
Oh sweet jesus. We all remember that the last time I saw this woman I stole the falcon from her house right? And her son broke up with me like two days later?!
Sweet.
So I sit down. Of course she is super sweet like all Midwestern moms are, but the place is packed and we are there for a LOOOONG time... Then the door opens, and there is Ponches best friend......and like 2 minutes later the the bell rings and the fiance of his other best friend walks in..and we are all talking, but avoiding what everyone knows...
I lean my head back trying to drowned out the circus music in my head..
da da dada da la da da da da da
And then it happened. Leaning back shifted something in my lungs and I coughed hard, and suddenly we are all faced with my little luggie secret. I gag. And I jump. And the bathroom is of course occupied, and the office is not that big, and now I'm throwing up the mother of all luggies in the hallway trash can. No one could see it, but I'm sure the sound effects in the waiting room were outstanding.
It appears that the circus has me as the headlining attraction.
7 comments:
Okay, so you know they all think you threw up b/c of the stress the break up caused, right? Well, let 'em think it. Ponch won't get pie for months! And they'll all yell at him for being an ass.
God bless Dan and his wife. The sister has spoken.
ROFLMAO
ok just so you know,...
that ALL happened so you could tell me about it and i could laugh my ass off...
you are so good to me. : )
Hawk-a-luggie........ sounds like a Sweadish board game. And for the record, not EVERYONE at the farm can do that nasty thing! So perhaps your inability is inherited. Meanwhile, I think it's commendable that you provided live entertainment for others who were stuck in the Dr's office! Now that's what I call making lemonaid... I agree with Tiff. I hope Mrs. Ponch and friends tell Officer Dumb-guy that he is just that.
CONGRATS ON THE TESTS!!!!!!!!! Bring on the finals.
I do know your secret and this was a painful reminder.
I share your inability to "hawk". In college, when I was rowing, it was a badge of honor to be able to hawk a luggie past your oar. I could never do it. I would gag just thining of trying to hawk on eup. I failed the test - and I never fully qualified for my tomboy card just because of that one deficiency. damn.
I just peed my pants a little. That was so funny, I mean I am laughing with you and not at you ;)
only in amandaland. only in amandaland...
~Nicole
Post a Comment