Soprano family outing

Funny moments to remember........
Riding in the explorer, dad driving, Ryan is co-pilot, erin mom and I are in the back seat......
We are discussing spies........
Amanda says.....i think steve is a spy.......
Ryan....he probably is......
Amanda.....I wonder is I gave him some names if he would take care of a few problems for me...
Dad......you would shit your pants if he said ok.....
Amanda.....your right, I would shit myself, then I'd hand him the list and go get myself cleaned up

Best creative present goes to.....

Ryan. For coming up with the road side emergancy kit for dad. For those of you who do not know, dad was in a car accident, hit by a van of illegal mexican workers. (on the infamous 'chuck a coffee table down the steps day'....still working on that holiday to catch on) Now. This kit contains.......a road flare, a hack saw, flashligh, jumper cables, and of course a can of refried beans, so next time he can offer food in hope of keeping them around till the cops and ambulance show up.
Second place, the industrial belt sander turned Massager (2006 model). Don't judge by the look on my face how awesome this thing really is.

family traditions in reverse

As if the King family traditions arent crazy enough....this year we did them in reverse of there normal order. Why? Not sure, I don't even know if it was intentional. Xmas, 1 day late, hopeland gardens lights tour, 2 days late, book reading, 3 days late. But look at how tickled Ryan got. Major case of the church giggles. He snorted....twice.
Crazy to think that I only have 2 days left. Everything on my 'to do' list has been checked off, and now my sole goal is to polish off the bailys cheesecake that mom made today. I accept my own challenge. (I've been in training with the cake, and this has liquer in it, so it will be a piece of....well, you get the point)

theme song to a western

Sing it with me everyone....don da da don da da don dada don don don don da (high)
don da da don da da don don don....don da da don don DON! *Just in case there is someone duct taped to a tree......good thought Neal*

2006 Carhart Rush

As you can see, Erin is completing her Rush Week here at the farm in hope of being accepted into the very elite Carhart Chapter of SC. Ryan is seen doing the secret handshake....

xmas eve

well, it's christmas eve, and I'm decorating the christmas tree at 5pm. Why? So that Ryans fiance Erin doesnt think we are lame. Um, hello? Am I the only one that remembers the year that we were so 'lame' that we didnt even put up a christmas tree & had the christmas branch from the back field (in a white bucket to hold it up no less)? But like the cutthroat family that we are, mom threatened to take the peach pie away......take a look at this beautiful holiday tree. Note also the new hardwood floor.....with a good thick pair of socks you can really get a good slide in across the sitting room.

Just one more Zerbert before I go..........

Well, the choo chooo train has to move on (see, I'm here for a few days and I've picked up words like choo choo and can sing along to 'hey it's franklin!') I had time well spent, gave lots of stored up kisses to Grace, and got to laugh with Amy & Neal.......alot. Seriously, my ribs hurt, if I didnt leave I'd be seeing a dr. I hope Amy doesnt notice that I am sneeking away with Grace. Lesson from this trip you ask? The south has more then just sweet tea that kicks ass.

spreading redneck cheer

Check out this contraption, it's Amy and Neal sawing wood. I took video in hope that I would win $100,000. but for the first time ever, Amy didnt do anything funny. I encouraged log rolling, but the idea was passed. Neal then had this great idea to drag out the big kyack and wrap it up in christmas lights Grizwald style. I love it. Since I left the trailer park, I spread redneck cheer .

laughter is the best

Amy had this on her computer. I love Will Ferrell. Take a second. Laugh it up.

http://www.devilducky.com/media/38792

first sleepover

Fact* Waking up at 3am to a screaming baby sends me directly into a panic attack. Im confused, Im not sure where I am (was it all a dream? Does evil Pinnacol not exisit, have I grown a heart, did I have a baby?) And then Amy (like an angel from buddah) comes flying through the door. Ah yes, (i think) that aint mine. So I pull the covers over my head and smile myself back to sleep.
It amazes even me, and Im seeing the live version.....Amy had a baby girl, lives in a morgage free house, and drives a car that can go in reverse. Was I still in bed the day everyone got in line for grownupville? Cheers to the most beautiful baby girl! And now, Grace's online debut in Amandaland.......

morning

whats that noise? Oh hey dad

Sweet home

Sweet jesus what is that noise? Oh, yea, Im at the farm and it's dad on the tractor, pulling a big pile of....good morning farm blend.
Grandma and I went bright and early this morning to her church where we dropped off 23 dozen cookies (not kidding) for the soup kitchen. 23 dozen. Half of what she actually made. I guess we know now where my tendency to obsess about things come from. We then went to Wal-mart. God bless grandma. We're not even all of the way into the parking spot when she sees a walmart employee & a guy (about my age, but it was hard to tell by the angle of his butt as he is trying to fit the new big screen tv into the front seat of his mustang) wrestling this tv into his car. Don't you know, she gets out & says, 'where do you live? I can fit that into my truck and take you there'. And we did. Yea. Like I haven't moved enough stuff in the last week. Now I'm back at the farm having my second cup of pity me holiday blend. Let's here it for the slowest computer in the world & the nosy horse picture.

I'm leaving on a jet plane

(hey kid, who are you, you smell funny, is that apple pie?)

as unusually passed out in the back of the plane. See Tiffany (halla) got up at 4 this morning and drove me to the airport. Nothing is open at DIA at 5am for coffee that will take something other then cash (what kind of shit is that?) So, I barely remember takeoff, and then I woke myself up talking (that's never good when your on a packed 747) the poor man next to me was highly annoyed but a good sport (I think I drooled too, ah who am I kidding, I know I did). The airline hostess had to wake me up, so startled I say 'huh, yes, coffee, 2 creams 1 sugar', she looks at me, 'sit up, were landing, coffee train rolled through here 2 hours ago'. Oh. Damn.
Now I'm at the farm, still exhausted despite my 2 hour delta nap. Im walking around like a zombie, and hope to load the pictures of the horses I just took later tonight. (mom has dial-up, so it might take overnight) They are furry even though it's only 45 degrees here, with blankets on no less. Ah to be living at the farm. Oh, and did I mention the apple pie.......

Park pooh

So, I wonder. I take the kids to the park today (kids meaning Teva Marie and Aweeee Pooh King) and there is an incredible amount of geese at the park....and even triple the incredible amount of goose shit. It made me remember that horse we drove up to Michigan to go see & I spooked him, and he drug dad through the goose shit. Dad bought him in the end just so he could call him Goose Shit Willy. That is a true story. So I'm wondering (as I have to stick to the paved trail bc of the bird poo, and am still dodging and weaving like the fat kid in dodgeball) is it really necessary for me to pick up the dog poo in this park? I don't even want to walk into the grass to get the dog poo. I wont tell you what I did or didn't do....Unless Phil the dog poo park ranger ticket writer reads this, and in that case I picked it up. But it also made me wonder......Why don't the geese get cold feet on the ice? Are they normally hot footed and find relief walking on the ice all day? And whatever the American Medical Association just said about fiber not being good for colon cleansing, needs to take a walk in Aldenbrook Park.

thanks Jay

I love this photo. it was taken by Jay Stewart (up and coming ski photographer for all the big names in the ski and board industry......and to think I knew him when.....) The shot was taken in Winter Park, ahhhh, doesnt it look cold. I'm off for a run with the dogs, silly me thought I flew out this morning.....

Italian jedi

***well as it turns out the science maniac movie is too long to e-mail even. I would edit it if I knew how, but frankly cutting any of it out would be a loss to us all. Dang.****

Tiffany and I went out to lunch today while my Jeep was getting worked on. Viva Napoli on S. Kipling. Go there. Read on, but seriously, go out of your way to eat there.
Ok, so we go in. Small place, yet strangely spacious inside, This little old lady with a very thick Italian accent comes up and starts talking to us about the wind (it's really windy outside). We can mostly understand her words. She gets our drinks and we go to order. I've decided on a vegi calzone. Tiffany on a light chicken pasta dish. And don't you know that this little old lady looks at me and tells me that I need to eat more then that and tells me what to order. 'it is a beautiful vegetarian dish, I go make it for you, it is beautiful' she was right. It was beautiful. I don't think that I have ever had beautiful food until then, but it was. Wanting to save some for later, when she comes back to the table, I go to ask her for a box, and again she looks at me and tells me to finish my dinner. ummm. Once I had, she brought out taramisu. I uncontrollably blurt out 'I love you'. She smiled, said good, keep eating. She is an Italian Jedi.

A is for Amanda kicks Ass in Biology

So, I forgot to tell you. I finished my biology class while I was in the trailer park....That's right, I took a final exam in a doublewide. My overall grade came out to be an A. So, I've decided, in celebration, to share the science maniac video. Now, the website won't let me load it, so if you would like to see it, and have some depends adult size diapers to wear, post a response with your e-mail on it (* I will not share with unknown users & will delete the post as soon as I send it) Cross flashdance with a medicated Mun-chi-chi & you've got it. Now dance with me! Dance, Dance!!!!!

Everybody's doing it

Tiffany and SC Amy have both surcome to my incessant peer pressure and made there own blogs. Please note: http://akadventuring.blogspot.com and http://desperatehousewifelife.blogspot.com To all Tiffanys friends that have followed along this far with the recaps, don't leave me now.......

oh how exciting

well I'll tell ya! The gypsy train was on the roll again this week as Tiffany and I headed out to Grand Junction for the delivery of the couch. And yes, you see the picture? It IS the rare red leather, found only in the rarest places from the very rare red cow (very sought after). There are some pictures of the new apt too, not nearly as exciting since I don't have neighbors like Tiffany's. Just a quick in and out (gypsys can't be anywhere for too long) just in time to hit the Vale pass storm as snow is coming down! Nothing can stop the gypsy train. Can you believe that I got rid of 60% of my STUFF? And then after unpacking lost another 10%! I love how empty it looks! Tiffany is a rock star for all of her help.

Smelly dog

Oh the shame! Oh the horror! But we Love the smell, we LOVE the park that we ran in! It was Teva, She rolled in it, don't punish us both! Organic oatmeal vanilla dog wash is not a natural smell! We do not want to be desperate housedogs! Nooooooo!

nothing to loose

check out my protective headgrear this morning in hope to cushin the blows from the mullet lady downstairs. No, really tiffany dared me to walk the dogs in that outfit, and seriously, look at my life, don't dare me to do something. I've got nothing to loose.

you can take the girl out of the trailer...

my wicked obsession (which one you ask?) with tamales, kept me up all night last night with some of the most bizarre dreams ever. But I will spare you from the details and catch you up on real life, because even the crazy dreams didn't prepare tiffany and I for today. (you might want to grab a cup of joe, BC this is bound to be a long read). The two of us (and I say that meaning 98% Tiffany, 2% Amanda) packed up the trailer all day yesterday to head out at 7am this morning to move her to Denver. The night ended yesterday with the Burlington parade of lights, where we saw santa and his reindeer mounted on a frontloader tractor that lifted him up and down in the air + tamales from a restaurant attached to the shell station = no sleep till...da.da..da...dada.....Brooklin! (if Ryan is the only one that got that joke it's ok) So Im off track, back to the mainstream. Now of course we forgot the camera for the parade, so you'll just have to believe us on the lit up farm equipment & 6 santas.
Ok, 7 am leave the trailer park to make it to Denver by 10 to meet the cable guy (Tiffany has some serious priorities) Cable guy was here & we start to unload the UHAUL. 3 months here & we are unloading a UHAUL into a FURNISHED apartment. (*see tiffs hateful response comment below) All is well and the apartment is beautiful (big step up in class from the single, I mean doublewide) and then we meet the neighbors. Poisons biggest fan (true 80's rocker down to the long hair with receding hairline, fake tan & ripped off sleeves rock band t-shirt) showed his might by carrying up the heaviest locked cargo box to Tiffs apartment, 2nd floor (seriously like 150lbs). And you know Im ok with this BC I may be freakishly strong, but unpacking a UHAUL full of clothing and shoes (*see now a second comment from tiff) after an hour I am useless. Rock on rocker dude.
we get done & go to Target (?%!*^), come home and I spend an hour and a half on the phone with Qwest wireless newest trainee Mindy (insert your own speech impediment visual) and still don't have wireless.........meanwhile.......tiffany starts laundry. I get off the phone & (amanda) ' dang tiff, that washing machine sounds like a waterfall' (tiffany) 'why don't you check it' (amanda, staggering into the entryway holding onto the wall for balance) and yes. waterfall. The washing machine drain is not hooked up, and we have flooded. So what do I do? Scream. Why? BC I've been in a trailer park for the last week and have lost all my sense, I don't know what else to do!. Tiffany and I now have our pants rolled like Lucy and Ethel squashing grapes, and I run downstairs to Whitesnakes apartment to get the emergency # for maintenance....and I meet the other neighbor. The one under us, BC water is running down the walls ( picture the shining) and it's not a good meeting. A. She has a mullet, so of course I start laughing (still have my pants rolled up) B. We have flooded her apartment from the top down, and she doesn't find this situation humorous at all. Matalica however is very helpful and I get the #, Mullet, not so much. Haven't been outside since. Still waiting on the carpet crew with their industrial extractor. We did however brush all of the water that was on the linoleum into a tsunami out the door, and I'm sure we will meet the neighbor across the hall tomorrow on the ice rink. So lesson learned, you can take the girl out of the trailer park but...........
(muddy dog prints from the carpet to outside)

Tiffany and I enjoyed a relaxing evening at home last night. We need a white christmas tree in the background, 2 beers in our hand and antlers on the dogs to make this the perfect trailer park christmas card. (note* I got my hair 'did' down the street.)

May I never come down from this sugar high

Ah yes, that's it. The last piece of cake. Cake for breakfast, snack, one time dinner even..... I do love cake. But not as much as pie.
The days are winding down here at the trailer park. Tiffany is finishing up her last days at work, and I am finishing up my science maniac class. It has been wicked cold here, one day we had 80mph winds. The trailer shook and not in a redneck funny joke way. I've just been staying bundled up on the couch clutching the cake, hoping that when I open the door to let the dogs out, we wont have been blown across the field into the prison yard.

Science Maniac

Ozzfest was a very helpful science maniac today

Fear of Something Wonderful

Frankly, I don't like carousels. I did not know this fact until Tiffany and I went to the oldest running carousel in the US here in Burlington. For the oldest carousel, that sucker sure could move. Built in 1905, it is known as the "Jewel of America" I like to call it "Here comes my milkshake". .

day on the town

Tiff and I went to the Burlington Craft Fair today. It was everything that I hoped it to be.

Let me eat cake!

So, being that we are in the happnin town of Burlington and all, Tiffany and I went to the high school basketball game 8 miles away (because that's what you do on a Friday night in the trailer park). We heard that there was a cake drawing at halftime. We were not disappointed. Tiffanys patient might have had a hand in arranging our chocolate on chocolate snack, but nothing can be proven. We saw 2 mullets and Chris Farleys love child. Im working on uploading the video of Tiffany accepting the cake.

trailer park princess

Well after tasteless jokes have been made for months, my life has fittingly landed me in a trailer park. As I was sliding my way over Berthoud Pass, Im getting these looks from oncoming traffic....'dude, what are you doing, this snow is going to be EPIC man!' Yes, yes, I know. But epic snow or not, it was time to drive away. Besides, what is left of my snowboard gear has either been hawked or is in a closet living in Grand junction without me and that sweet sweet pow pow. The valley curse did it's best I must say, dumping over two feet of snow in an attempt to keep me in for yet another day, but there is no greater power then a 4x4 jeep weighted down by moving, and a 100 pound girl wired on Red Bull.
Which leads me to the trailer park. Better places could have been chosen, yes, but why start now? I have less then a week here, and I have such a stellar reputation for picking the winners, may as well let it all ride on this one. And besides, the sunset over the federal prison across the street is a nice reminder that there are worse places I could be.