It has come to my attention that some rules must be put in order. Feel free to comment any additions that you may have.......
Rules of remaining friends with you ex: By Miss King
1) Phone calls may only be made to tell a funny story. Exceptions may be made if you had a shitty day and need to hear a funny story, you may call the other person, but only to be cheered up. No one shall be denied a funny story.
2.) Weddings and Deaths must be notified by mail only. Texting does not fall into this category.
3.) Significant others must be asked by the other person. (ex: I must ask...'so how is that dirty whore your seeing?) Then you may bring her up. Only to have the beginning of the answer to start with....'well, she's no you'.....and then you may answer. Under no circumstances do you or I divulge that information without the other asking.
4.) We are to always assume that the other is seeing someone else. (ex: when I tell you I went on a 4 day camping/kayaking trip, you must assume that I was with my new boyfriend that is a much better person then you are)
5.) Your friends and family are my friends. My friends and my family will always dislike you. They may be nice to your face when they see you, but when the breaks on your car are cut, you'll know where their loyalty lies.
2.) Weddings and Deaths must be notified by mail only. Texting does not fall into this category.
3.) Significant others must be asked by the other person. (ex: I must ask...'so how is that dirty whore your seeing?) Then you may bring her up. Only to have the beginning of the answer to start with....'well, she's no you'.....and then you may answer. Under no circumstances do you or I divulge that information without the other asking.
4.) We are to always assume that the other is seeing someone else. (ex: when I tell you I went on a 4 day camping/kayaking trip, you must assume that I was with my new boyfriend that is a much better person then you are)
5.) Your friends and family are my friends. My friends and my family will always dislike you. They may be nice to your face when they see you, but when the breaks on your car are cut, you'll know where their loyalty lies.
6.) Neither one of us will drown in denial about the past again. Conversations about the past will not only be breaking rule #1, but it will make me feel sad, and frankly, no one has a good time when I'm sad.
7.) We both promise not to judge the others life decisions. All laughter about how much of a bad idea that is will be pushed down to the 'church giggle' level until the phone conversation is over.
8.) If at any time we are ever in the same space, you and I will never have any physical contact.
9.) All alcohol consumption must be honestly admitted at the beginning of each conversation.
10.) No one ever gets hung up on. No matter how much of a jackass comment was just made. (ex: referencing the immediate need to go buy more condoms and rum)
11.) Rules may be added at any time, but must be put in writing into the original document, and a copy must be emailed back to the other person so they know the new rule.
12.) Any amendments to above rules must be agreed upon by a 75% majority. In a filibuster situation, decision will be made by the dog, Sativa Maria Cookieface Columbus Pastel La La La Easter King. She will hear the argument without prejudice. Tail wag=pass no tail wag=fail.
2 comments:
Under no circumstances are booty calls to be made. No booty calls, booty text-messages, booty carrier-pigeons, or booty smoke signals.
And your sister doesn't have to fake politeness. Your sister is required, by sister law, to run straight at the ex at full speed until he pees his pants. Then he has to sit in his pee pants all day long.
Is this authorization for "the brake job"? Just wondering....
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