Shagin Wagon out

I'm hooooome!!!!

For the last few days Ive been on the road, landing in New Mexico at Navajo Lake with Big red truck and Little Girl. On a side note, traveling in two cars with walkie talkies are freaking hysterical.

We got to the marina at a whopping ten o clock at night and took the boat over to cocaine cove where we camped.

Besides lathering on spf 50 / 4 times a day and still being red, we did what campers do.

Little time on the boat, little whiplash on the tube, little four wheeling, obviously a little drinking when there is a picture of you on a water tower. Luckily there is no picture of anyone passed out next to the campfire.......at least not one that I am ever going to show you that is.

Then at 4:30 this morning the alarms went off in the tent to head out of camp. See Little Girl had to be back in GJ by 10.

But the early bird catches the bear.

Now its time to clean up and get to that Simpsons movie!!!!

A case of mistaken Identity

Here I am. Typing away, thinking.....where do I start with this story?

So we remember the guy from the gas station right?

Well with clinical over and some free time, I agreed to a date.

Why you ask?

Because all signs pointed to me being able to tell you a funny story.

Ya see, this guy was REALLY vague about what he did when we talked on the phone. Pretty much avoided the question at all cost. One day he called from a number that I didn't have programed into my phone....so I called the number back. I got a voicemail message for him.......

At the Beaver Trucking Company.

Yea. Great jokes all week on this one. I hung up without leaving a message and instantly started planning in my head how this date was going to go so I could tell YOU a funny story. Ya know, make up for the lame posts while in internship. Immediately I decided I am going to go out on a date with a truck driver from Beaver trucking. My main goal of the date was to get a tall brim trucker hat that said Beaver Trucking on it.

Even if it meant stealing it from his pickup.

Last night the truck driver picked me up in his jacked up Suburban that I literally needed a boost up to get into. I look around for the hat.

In the monster truck, I mention him being a trucker....because he's never really told me what he did, I needed him to know that I was totally fine with it, and hopefully by the end of the date I'd be comfortable enough to ask for the hat.

He looks over at me with a 'what the hell are you talking about?' look.

'Ya, know, the Beaver trucking company, I heard the message from the number you called me from, I laughed.'

Blank stare.

'Maybe you should be watching the road....'

Wow. Where do I start with all that? OK. I called you from my OFFICE one day, from BEERS TRUCKING, that I OWN, and have a fleet of WATER TRUCKS that are used to cool the drill bits on each machine in the oil fields.

'Oh. So there is no 18 wheeler that you drive huh?'

No.

At this point we were at the restaurant. Being led through the tables full of people I wanted to crawl under a chair and try and take back the 'your a trucker' comment. Out the door and up the stairs to the 'garden rooftop' that over looks the golf course and the national monument.

......where there is only one table made and the rest are pushed to the sides of the wall.

Yea. Totally not a truck driver.

Coming Soon to a town near you.....

Well guys, summer internship is over. One semester left to go. And one month off.

Of course since I Don't have to wake up at 6, I've been waking up at 1, and 4, and 4:47, and then I finally give up and get out of bed around 6.

Without missing a beat, I have a runny nose like someone has hidden a cat in my apartment. I keep asking the pup in between fits of 8 sneezes in a row (personal record)......'Are you hiding a kitten from me somewhere?'

In an attempt to just get some fresh air and cool off, the two of us headed out to Glade Park this morning. It was so much cooler up there, and I just might have come across some secret trails for the future.

Teva and I are impossible to get in one picture. After three attempts, I realized it looked like some peeping tom was taking a picture of me peeing behind a tree. I crack myself up even when there is no one else around to laugh.

You get the picture

I spent two hours in a CPR class last night only to realize half way through, it wasn't the certification that I needed. I immediately jumped up and left....poor quad amputee Annie dummy laying lifeless on the carpet.

It was a good thing I left anyways. Maggie and I had already been in trouble for laughing during class and had to be separated. Seriously. They call these dummies Annie....Who didn't think of the Michael Jackson song 'Annie are you OK, Annie are you OK, are you OK Annie"?

I can't help it if my singing inspired her to do the MJ Smooth Criminal dance and make me laugh so hard I snorted while trying to give rescue breaths.

I am going to be freaking useless in an emergancy situation.

Michael Jackson Smooth Criminal

Rules of remaining friends after a break up

It has come to my attention that some rules must be put in order. Feel free to comment any additions that you may have.......

Rules of remaining friends with you ex: By Miss King

1) Phone calls may only be made to tell a funny story. Exceptions may be made if you had a shitty day and need to hear a funny story, you may call the other person, but only to be cheered up. No one shall be denied a funny story.

2.) Weddings and Deaths must be notified by mail only. Texting does not fall into this category.

3.) Significant others must be asked by the other person. (ex: I must ask...'so how is that dirty whore your seeing?) Then you may bring her up. Only to have the beginning of the answer to start with....'well, she's no you'.....and then you may answer. Under no circumstances do you or I divulge that information without the other asking.

4.) We are to always assume that the other is seeing someone else. (ex: when I tell you I went on a 4 day camping/kayaking trip, you must assume that I was with my new boyfriend that is a much better person then you are)

5.) Your friends and family are my friends. My friends and my family will always dislike you. They may be nice to your face when they see you, but when the breaks on your car are cut, you'll know where their loyalty lies.

6.) Neither one of us will drown in denial about the past again. Conversations about the past will not only be breaking rule #1, but it will make me feel sad, and frankly, no one has a good time when I'm sad.

7.) We both promise not to judge the others life decisions. All laughter about how much of a bad idea that is will be pushed down to the 'church giggle' level until the phone conversation is over.

8.) If at any time we are ever in the same space, you and I will never have any physical contact.

9.) All alcohol consumption must be honestly admitted at the beginning of each conversation.

10.) No one ever gets hung up on. No matter how much of a jackass comment was just made. (ex: referencing the immediate need to go buy more condoms and rum)

11.) Rules may be added at any time, but must be put in writing into the original document, and a copy must be emailed back to the other person so they know the new rule.

12.) Any amendments to above rules must be agreed upon by a 75% majority. In a filibuster situation, decision will be made by the dog, Sativa Maria Cookieface Columbus Pastel La La La Easter King. She will hear the argument without prejudice. Tail wag=pass no tail wag=fail.

Trouble

I'm not going to lie. One of us.....oh hell what am I saying, we're all going to jail.


We'll be like this joke:

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the run from the law when they find an old barn to hide out in. The police are close on their tails, so when the women find three sacks, they immediately jump into them. About a minute later, a policeman comes into the barn and sees the suspicious-looking sacks. He kicks the first one.


"Meow," says the redhead.


"It must be a cat," thinks the policeman and he kicks the second sack.


"Woof," says the brunette.



"Must be a dog," thinks the policeman and he kicks the third sack.


"Potatoes," says the blonde



yes. I realize that I am the blonde.


Amy, Fran, Molly and I are going to the Snowmass Jazz fest. God help the airline that let the three of them on one flight. Hopefully they recycle those mini bottles. Don't even ask. We are going to be in the bus. I will make SURE the bus is done.
You know thats how 4 southern girls roll.

Just a few pictures from the weekend of the fourth......

I became the poster child for lost tourist hiker...(note: not a good idea to head out on a hike alone in a tank top, shorts, cowboy hat, fly rod, half a muffin, a nalgine bottle and the dog)

Don't worry mom, I had on a helmet when the ride actually started.

Now I guess it's back to the 9-5......sigh.

I miss the cool mountain air when I get home to 102.

Jedi mind trick

Um. So I pulled you over because you were speeding.

'I can not argue that fact'

(he laughs) But I'm not going to give you a ticket.

(then as soon as the words came out of his mouth a look of shock goes across his face. .....I can only conclude that after dating a cop, I now have jedi mind trick over them.)

'Whoa. You cant take that back after you said it, and I heard it!'

Well. Lets take a look at your license, registration and insurance.

'Ok, but you said I wasn't getting a ticket.'

I hand him my pile of paperwork, all the while my dog has pushed her head past the bike and through the side of my seat to get a look at this guy out my window.

3 minutes rolls by....not that I was timing him or anything.....and another cop car , lights flashing pulls in behind him.

Oh dear god. I am about to wet my pants. Multiple cop cars, not a good sign. I'm thinking about the multiple jury summons I never went to. And frankly a few other things crossed my mind.

They both walk up to the car. Tevas head still sticking out. I'm adding up the cost of bail in my head.

'I cant believe I told you I wasn't going to write you a ticket'

I cant believe you called for backup.

He laughs and explains to me some kind of training procedure they're doing, and hands me all of my information back.

'My not getting a ticket must be some kind of 4th of July miracle then.'

Damn straight . Slow down.

Lets all pause and enjoy a moment from me to you.......



So this is kind of from the rescent archives, but it may be relevant later so I'm going to tell it.



My little diesel car. I absolutely love her. Sometimes (clearing throat) when I go to the gas station (looking around) people will come up in a panicky kind of way and say....



"oh honey! your putting diesel in your car!!"



Yea. Like I'm an idiot that thought I would use the green pump because I thought the color looked pretty.



So, star swipe to a recent gas fill up. When I pulled into the station there was no one around.


No one.

So when I turned off the car and left the ipod on....turning it up a little.....ok a lot.....I felt completely safe in singing and doing a little Santana cha cha-ing while I was filling up the tank. Song over, and the next ipod song is pretty quiet. (loud quiet loud quiet.....I dont enjoy that when the ipod is in the car)



Exit young guy from inside the store.....I immediately think.....shit, I wonder if he saw me dancing...on the plus side he was IN the store, so he could NOT have heard me making up Spanish words to the Santana song..... He makes eye contact and b-lines for my car pointing......



"That's a diesel right?"



Yes. (i smile is a smart ass way) That's why I'm using the green pump.



"i meant that in a 'your not dumb' kind of way"



Thank you.



'I take it you've heard that before then'.

Yea once.

He laughs and we make some small talk about gas mileage and blah blah flirt. All the while I'm cleaning up at the tank, and suddenly ....the ipod song changes again ....and it is back to the volume that Santana was.......only louder.



and it's Barry White.

Its loud Barry White.



Oh yea baby. I shut my eyes and thank god for this very second where I could not feel more red. I turn and hussel towards to car laughing.



'Nice to talk to you' ....i yell without looking back and look into the car and I swear I see the dog laughing at me. With my back turned from him he stops about 8 feet from where we were standing and yells

'There isn't any way your single is there?'



I was laughing so hard at this point I just looked back trying not to snort amidst my laughter...

'Hard to believe isn't it?'

Barry White - Can't Get Enough Of Your Love Babe (live)