The view from the top

Taking off tomorrow to go see the Zoo. 3 birthdays in 5 days. Two of them have ages that are divisible by 5, so two people (not me) are slated to throw up. Then New Years in Charlotte with Daniel the Neighbor Kid, the NC mountains, then farm, then plane. May not see you guys till next year. So until then.....enjoy the view from the top....

Last night I got the chance to meet up with my old school buddy Martha. We sat up watching classic movies, quoting lines, drinking wine. It was very similar to how we hung out 10 years ago, with the addition of the huge flat screen TV and more appreciative taste for good wine. We talked life, love, wine, all the while in mid sentence stopping to quote a line or two from Pretty Woman as it played in the background. The last thing I remember saying as I pointed my wine glass at the screen......'Yea know, this doesn't really happen....There is no guy in a limo climbing up the fire escape....There is no GUY in the front YARD holding up a boom box. Why have we watched this for ten years? It has totally screwed with my reality of relationships.' Yikes. (like I can really blame this craziness on the film industry. Wait. Did I wake up in the barn?! Noooooo. Gunner and I had a good game of Horsey tag in the field. Mom videoed...personally I think she was waiting for something tragic, I mean funny to happen so she could send it into Funniest home Videos. Or possibly to show the Dr. when he askes...'how did this happen?'....actually, we have it all on tape...
(I'll show you thie pictures from mom and I's hike in the next few days......but notice that there ARE pictures)

Farm Life

Killing some time here at the farm, relaxing, sleeping, eating pie. Sleeping....and eating more pie. Yesterday was a personal best.....5 pieces of pie in 1 day. I am a freak of nature, I know. But trust me...it's good pie. The sun has finally come out after a few days of clouds and scattered showers... Just in time for me to get some playing in before I head out to see my sweetest girl and of course her parents too.....

United Frequent Liar

Yes, yes, I finally made it out of DIA, and flew into Carolina at about 1am this morning. Tiff picked me up, and after about a dozen high kicks, the dog and I hoped in the car with my sweet sister. Denver was a MESS. I was there 4 hours early, and stood in a security line that wrapped all the way around the airport....twice. Now you have to know here that I have already lied to numerous people about why MY dog doesn't have to go into a cage until right before the flight.... You see I have this..... Condition......... That my dog can sense before it occurs........ Straight to hell I know. But I couldn't stop there, nooooooo. Once I checked her in and was standing in the longest line of my life (except maybe for the one that I'll face in hell) I started in on my profession. You see Matt had let me borrow a carry on bag in Boulder since I haven't been home in....well since I took finals. So he gives me an Olympic Athlete carry on, which started my next session of lies. I became a professional athlete for 2 hours in a line at DIA. For the winter Olympics. In the loge. Skeleton to be exact. Which I don't know why I do it because it scares the hell out of me every time, and half way down the run I think I'm never going to do it again. But I do. Because I love the adrenaline rush so much. I sure do hope Satan likes my sense of humor.

Well it's obvious that the snow gods missed me isn't it?

I haven't been home since I finished my finals, I have 4 days worth of clothes and I'm flying home with the dog for two weeks. That is if I can make it to the airport on Saturday. But don't you worry about me. There is nowhere better to be when you get 3 feet of snow then a ski town.

Like butter dripping off a hot biscuit

Well it's been a whirwind of days, and I'm still flying around in the cosmos of it all, so please.....excuse my current absence.

I've spent the last few days in Boulder, relaxing with the break from school (3.2 final GPA), and sitting drinking with friends.














It's amazing what you'll eat when you've had one too many.....

My law stuff went well, and I am happy to say that part of my life is over and done with. Now if we can all point and laugh at the dumb ass that broke up with me a week before a settlement conference. Big loss on Christmas presents buddy.

Huge.

So now you may be thinking......What's a girl to do when there isn't the pressure of school, a lawsuit, and work to fret about? Well folks, she comes out of retirement.......

Absolutely fabulous. My new friend Erin was my partner in crime, and like a blessing from Buddha, about an hour into the day, the clouds rolled in and the snow began to fall. And fall. And fall. And each time I would get to the top of the lift, it would be a whole new ride of fresh snow. Like riding butter with a hot knife.

Pow pow. How I missed you.

I'm in Vail now, killing some time before I hop a plane and fly south for the winter. Sitting in a hot tub most of the time because lets face it.......two years off, just makes the body yell two times louder.

Were going streaking!!!!

So yesterday was the end of the semester....finished with my physics of radiology exam, and I passed. Well...I'm not 100% on that final, but I passed the class.....I think.

Anyways, last night was filled with laughter and food and toasts and lots and lots of beer. I don't think I have ever seen 18 people be more giddy. And pretty unanimously, everyone just wanted to sleep over the break.

As for me, my headache and I are packing the Jeep this morning for our trip across the mountains. Christmas plans are still up in the air....I have about 5 different invites if I don't sail out in a plane. But between you and me......I that plane ride sounds like a damn good idea.

3 Down, Two to Go.

Even the giant skeleton that jumped out of my closet last night can't slow me down. Silly skeleton.......It's different now, I'll just take you down bone by bone until your a little pile of appendages on my floor.

bad idea

Just because I'm not a great cook, does not mean that I should have to sit at the bake sale booth for the Radiology Club. I think it's possible that we lost money. I ate one of everything that we sold......

How do I sell cookies you ask? I yell at people.....

'Hey! (and they turn around) Do you have a quarter?' And they dig through their pocket and hand me a quarter.

"great, here is a cookie"

"hey, do you have a quarter?"

Whhhhaaaa???

Pssssttt! It's me, the sister! I've hijacked Amanda's blog to tell you all we missed a very important landmark. December 2 was Amandaland's first blogaversary! Go see how it all started...

Can you believe the girl has come this far?

Good job little seester!

Secret Revealed

Ok. I have a confession. One that will make the story below even more so intriguing for you blogging voyeurists out there.

You know who you are.

Anyway. My secret.

I completely lack the ability to hawk a luggie. Much to the disappointment of my farm raised family, I can not. My father is shamed by this I know. This lack of lugie hawking has lead me in this past week, to gag the second I cough, and anything hits my throat I soon throw up.
Say like at work. Where they wouldn't let me call in sick despite my appearance, I wound up gagging into the kitchen trash can until I can spit up a big wad of the nastiness residing in my lungs. Oh yea, and did I mention that I blew my nose so much that the blood vessels in my nose bust, so I bleed everytime I blow? Good stuff.

So your following me now right? You can picture the red crusty nose and pale, I've been living off of cereal all week and have zero nutrition value right now look right?

Right.

Which leads me to today. When I wake up and feel much better then the past 5 days. Sweet. (I think to myself) I go to class. Chauffeured by Dan, who brings me cookies at 7:30 in the morning baked by his wife. It's going to be a better day. Despite my appearance, The Cookies Have Spoken.

I get a 100 on my anatomy test, and pass my physics quiz with flying colors.

Good lord it looks like being sick and forcing myself to read since I couldn't move off of the couch all week is really paying off!

And then I go to my chiropractor appointment. And I walk through the door in my sweat pants and red nose, and the place is packed, and there is one chair left and look!!!!

Its right next to Ponches mom.

Oh sweet jesus. We all remember that the last time I saw this woman I stole the falcon from her house right? And her son broke up with me like two days later?!

Sweet.

So I sit down. Of course she is super sweet like all Midwestern moms are, but the place is packed and we are there for a LOOOONG time... Then the door opens, and there is Ponches best friend......and like 2 minutes later the the bell rings and the fiance of his other best friend walks in..and we are all talking, but avoiding what everyone knows...

I lean my head back trying to drowned out the circus music in my head..

da da dada da la da da da da da

And then it happened. Leaning back shifted something in my lungs and I coughed hard, and suddenly we are all faced with my little luggie secret. I gag. And I jump. And the bathroom is of course occupied, and the office is not that big, and now I'm throwing up the mother of all luggies in the hallway trash can. No one could see it, but I'm sure the sound effects in the waiting room were outstanding.

It appears that the circus has me as the headlining attraction.

sneezeer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN5fSkcVzuY

I'm still sick, so I'm trying the laughter medicine thingy

*cough cough*

Plot twist no one saw coming

Just like that surprise week after sweeps where there is a big twist in the plotline that even the actors don't see coming.....

Ponch broke up with me last night.

In my theraflu, I'm sick blank stare, he broke up with me. I remember vaguely tilting my head to the side and thinking....

'That falcon better be in control of some great things if saving him was my purpose in this relationship.'

Now I have a paper to finish, a project to make, a 2 tests to study for, and finals next week, all the while my ears are plugged, my eyes are practically swollen shot and my legs are wobbly like after a race.

I'm sad guys.

Damn it.

On the bright side, I could get my hippie card back now that I"m not dating a cop.

The Falconer

So I'm a big geek and woke up very early yesterday in anticipation of the release of my falcon.

And yes I WAS calling myself The Falconer, and yes I WAS singing Free Bird.

You can go ahead and judge me for that one.

So I loaded up the dog and the falcon into the Jeep and gave that bird a good talking to.
Teva kept looking at me like: MOM! There is a Bird of Prey in the back of the Jeep!!

(ok, so it's really hard to see, but the Falcon is in the cage) So I drove a few towns over, far far away from their house and found a nice field to release into.....a nice field that backed another house with bird feeders in it to help entice the new location. He flew right out when I opened the cage....caught some air and looped around. Hum. I thought to myself. He's coming back. Oh god, he's dropping down.

So I opted NOT to take a picture of his graceful release and run back to the car just in case his intention was to peck my eyes out.

And THAT is the story of the Falconer.

Turkey and a Hawk

Ok, so your going to love this story. Love it I tell you!!

On my great tour of thanksgiving dinners, tonight's grand finale was spent with Ponch and his family.

Now. Before I get into the great amandaland story, I must say that the food was great, and the card game 'hand and foot', was really fun to play with everyone. But when we first arrived Ponches mom starts telling us about the hawk that has been preying on her bird feeder.

'It was chasing one of my little birds and flew right into the window....broke it's neck.'

Me, being genuinely curious and having never seen a hawk before, asks if I can go see it. Sure right? Ponch, his dad and I head down to the truck.....ya know, because now it's in a box. Somewhere down the lane it kind of slips out that the hawk may not be dead. Mostly dead, ya know but was still breathing when he put it in the box.

Yea, so guess what wasn't dead when they opened up the box.

'Thats not dead.' I look over at Ponch. He looks at the ground. Immediately he knows that this isn't going to be easy for him.

"Well, I thought it was dead (his dad says), just a little bit of breathing when I picked it up. Then I went to snap his neck and the bugger bit me! So I threw it in that box! Then we started on the turkey and I forgot it was out here. I'm sure it's wing is broken. I'll do it later.'

'Of course it bit you. You were trying to snap it's neck!'

Somehow now, in mass confusion and persuasion, the hawk (who I'm now referring to as the falcon) is put in the large cat crate, wings looking just fine. Ponch isn't making eye contact with me anymore. The two of them quickly realize that it was a bad idea to let me witness this. So we return inside discussing how this falcon it the killer of many a birds at the bird feeder, and eats them right in front of Ponches mom. Agreed. Falcon is a killer, and has disgusting eating habits.

Falcon is now residing under my steps in the cat crate until morning when I can safely relocate him in another valley. That's right. I stole the falcon out of the back of the truck as I was leaving. I'm like running and underground falcon railroad. I'll take pictures of it tomorrow when it's light out and we're on our freedom run/ witness relocation operation. Ponch of course knows, as I made him an accessory.........

'Don't even bother putting your seat belt on..(I said to him as we are pulling out of the driveway).

He sighs, shakes his head and zipped his jacket back up.

Well kids I'm moving a bit slow this morning. Clutching to my coffee and icing my wrist. Wait. What?!? What happened to your wrist you say?

Ah yes, let me go back.

My test from last Tuesday came back to me with a bomb drop of direct proportion to the ulcer eruption in my belly.

Son of a....

Before the class we (meaning the usual suspects) had decided since it was such a killer test that passers would by failures beer. Me, being the optimist came with money to buy a few pitchers.

6 pitchers later and money in my pocket, I should have been going to get my stomach pumped. Instead, opted to become a bookie and go bowling with the kids.

Yes yes. Bowling. I think this will be something that we can keep OFF the going pro list.






Ah look at that graceful form. Could explain what I did to my wrist......

I'll add bowling brace to my christmas list, and possibly explore my options for other professions...

Turkey Lurkey Dooo

So I'm thinking of doing Turkey Tour 2006.

Seriously, I'm in it for the pie.

Seems the true spirit of Thanksgiving is alive as I have gotten not 1, not 2 , not 3....but 4 invitations to Thanksgiving dinners.

People get sad when they ask me about thanksgiving and I tell them how far far away my family is. Last year Tiffany and I hauled a U-Haul into GJ and ate at an IHop with mom and dad on speaker phone. We had pie.

And here a year later...... Turkey Tour of 06. I thought of making shirts like at a rock concert, since I'm insisting on dragging Ponch with me. I'm telling 'sweet pea' that sits next to me in class about it.
'Maybe a handprint on the front made into a turkey'....
'yea' she says, then you can put THANK YOU GRAND JUNCTION!!!! on the back.

Thats perfect. Turkey tour 2006. 3 days of Turkey and Pie.

Duck a la sumthin sumthin

November 16th for Amanda
The idea of "mixing it up" to vary your routine can have an enormous appeal for you today. I wholeheartedly suggest that you explore your options and research new possibilities.

It's obviously in the stars.
So I decided this afternoon that since I failed a physics quiz yesterday, cried on my couch because I was homesick, threw a pencil across the kitchen (obviously testing physics), and failed miserably to follow through on plans I made.....all while in the presence of Ponch.....hey, maybe I'll make him dinner tonight. After all, he did have a rough week....and my horoscope did mention using a mixer....

Now, lets have a moment of silence for the fishy cookies the boy ate last time and possibly say a quick prayer (if that's how you swing) for tonight's dinner.

I have since learned lesson 1.
The apron that you used to dust off the cookbook, should be worn when using the electric mixer.

Wine. This is going to take lots of wine.

Ponchs debut on the blog

With blog posts getting so lame, I asked Ponch to go out and stir up some action for me. I didnt think he would go this far. It's like having sweeps week on the blog.

It's cold, and dreary outside, and possibly the best kind of day for me to get my studying in for this weeks tests. But do I want to? Heck no, I want to lay on my couch and watch a movie. and catch up with you! I haven't caught up with you in AGES!....but rest assured little ones, nothing spectacular is going on. I eat, I go to class, I sleep, and I mark off days on the calendar in the countdown to Christmas break. And before you even start, I won't be flying home to see the man dressed up in red. I have exams until the 13th, and then some law stuff in Denver on the 15th. Then depending on that outcome I may be spending Christmas in a hotel in Denver awaiting a court case the day after. Merry Christmas kiddo, you wanted anxiety for Christmas this year right? Ummm delicious.

On a non whining note, It's Papa Kings birthday, so in honor of the big guy, everyone should have fried chicken for lunch (or dinner) and at least 2 slices of pie. I am finishing up mine right now.

In the meantime, Im going to hop over to Tiffany's and look at the warm warm Jamaica pictures and pretend I'm on the beach. Studying of course with a fruity drink in my hand with an umbrella in it..

Oh, PS. The bastards at Nikon sent my camera back, without my letter, and the kept my birthday card that was in the box. If your reading Nikon guy, I hope you get anxiety in your Christmas stocking too.

To tell or not to tell......

So the cop informs me yesterday that we are dating.

'Like boyfriend- girlfriend dating?'

Yup.

'Really?'

Yup.

Aparently this has been going on for a month.

So now my dilemma......do I need to tell him about the blog?

morning race

So I had my ladies 5k this morning. Little monkeys were running around in 40 degree weather in shorts and a tee shirt. Luckily the rain stopped when the race started and it turned into a very nice day for a run......or in my case walk/run. I always volunteer to be the last one across the finish line for the team, that way I get to stay with the slowest girl, and she gets to say that she beat her coach in a race. I love to watch all of the racers... I find this pace perfect. My slowest runner happens to be my favorite too, and to cross the finish line with her was a complete honor. She has battled with motor skill problems since a car accident as a child, and it is humbling to me to watch her pace out in an awkward stride and cheer on other girls as she passes them. I teared up a good 4 times during the race watching her run.

There is a part of me that looks in a crowd as I hit the final stretch, watching the parents cheer on their kids, seeing the pros come back to cheer on the girls. It's a complete feeling. A validation of my time as the girls coach.

Who is a big slacker?

Ok it's me it's me. If it makes you feel any better my laundry is being neglected too. I don't have any incredibly funny stories to tell you (shocking I know). Heather let me borrow her Air Force jumpsuit for Halloween, so I went as maverick. That was pretty sweet, although after about 20 minutes into waiting tables in a onezie, I realized maybe a little hotter then I wanted.
I did however get in some sweet movie quotes throughout the night.


My wall is fixed thanks to Ponch and his dad.....who I think might be Bob Villa in disguise. I of course attempted to look domestic, and baked oatmeal cookies while they were patching the wall.

Hum.

I can't find any baking soda for the batter other then the kind that is in the box in my freezer soaking up all of the nasty smells.

I used it, and yes, it was disgusting. Who knew that oatmeal cookies could taste like leftover pasta and fish?!?

So I did what any girl trying to cover up a disaster in a blue apron would do......

I started adding other ingredients to try and cover up the taste. My oatmeal cookies became....
Oatmeal, chocolate chip, cinnamon, craison cookies. Very little batter was left after I added everything.

They were still bad. Ponch ate one anyway and they humored me by taking a plate home. I hope he and his dad are playing a pickup game of street hockey using the cookies as a puck. For god sake no one should have to eat those.

Domestication. Maybe I should look that word up in the dictionary

Quick! Help me hide the body!

Looking at the giant hole in my wall every time I walk in and out of the house makes me shake my head in disbelief. I have a plan to fix it....and that plan starts on Saturday. Unfortunately I woke up this morning with my comforter pulled over my head, 2 quilts, and a whimpering voice trying to get my wall chewing dog to climb into bed and keep me warm.

Hum. Maybe the heat is busted?

Yea. So of course it is. I need a maintenance man in the house and I have a giant hole on the side of my door (the ONLY door). Um hum. Yea.

So I do what every reasonable person does and push the lever all the way to the right (as if to remind the thermostat of it's job) and rush to class. At noon....Nothing. Actually colder in my apartment then outside. Ah crikey. Is that hole getting bigger?!??!

So I talk to Heather.

'What the hell am I going to do?'

Cover it.

'Cover it? What the hell am I going to cover it with? Its a 3 and a half foot by foot hole directly next to my door! How do you hide that?'

Cover it.

The repair man called. He's 10 minutes out. Then the cop showed up at the door. (Mom gasped). The cop? Yes the cop. And no he wasn't showing up because of the property damage.

(we will call him Ponch from now on)

What are you doing?

(I'm frantic) I need to cover this up. The maintenance guy is on the way. He's friends with the landlord.

After his initially look of confusion, Ponch straight up jumped into action. No questions asked. The end result (took 4 minutes),

remove painting, hang long coat from nail
place full size ironing board against wall
move TV table against wall
angle TV.

Covered at eye level. Sweet. Heat is fixed, and I got a cop to help me hide evidence.

Nice.

Upset stomach set for 10

My sweet little innocent never done a bad thing in her life 11 year old dog, ate through the wall today.

When I tried to open the front door it couldn't be pushed open all the way due to the amount of drywall and insulation littering the floor.

We are talking from floor to hip (how did she even get up that high?!?) and 18 inches over.

If I had a camera to show you a picture your immediate response would be....Holy shit.

Having never done anything bad before either, she didn't know to run and hide, she just sat there, my running hat covered in white dust clenched in her mouth....

rraarruuuuggghhhh rrah

So.

Anyone want to tell me how to replace a massive section of drywall before I get evicted?

Show me your bones

Whoa!

Where have I been?

Ah, don't you worry little ones, just studying away trying to get through yet another week. There is a very big exam on Monday and I am using my super powers analyze peoples appendages as I wait on them.

"Excuse me....Your scaphoid (also known as your Navicular) looks swollen, after all, it is the most commonly broken bone of your wrist (carpals).....Do you mind if I position it really quickly?....yes yes I see that your out of tea....please hold still.

Um. I'm going to make a shirt that says: Talk Nerdy to Me

I'm back home now. If you've seen the national news, yes yes, the mountains did get 18 inches of snow. Sweet sweet pow pow. As I was driving out of WP, I watched countless people loading up there cars with skis and boards. Crazy bastards. 18 inches just covers up the rocks.

Here are my ladies. My Valley support group. Willing to lend a shoulder when I cry, order countless drinks until I stop crying, and drop everything to get to Boulder and help me hide the body if I need. Love them.

The trip into Boulder went well. I had Rage Against the Machine pumping me up, nodding along, and felt like an athlete prepping for the olympics. My adrenaline was so high, that when I pulled up to my friends house and saw my ex's car, it all boiled over and for a second I thought I was having a heart attack. About 300 large eye blinks later and a vice to get my mouth shut, a flood of reality came over me, and I took the jeep out of park and drove on. Resisting all urge to ram his car as I drove away.

No no inner black woman. I need to save you for later.

I'd love to say it's all down hill from here, but I'm pretty realistic in knowing that court cases don't roll that way. So as it all takes it's course, I'll just hum along....hi ho, hi ho, it's off to class I go.......

Leaving the Valley

I'll write more when I'm home, but I thought that I would give you a smackeling of where I was yesterday.....

Rotation A

I'm off very quickly this morning. If I had a camera you would see me leaving for my first day of clinical. My cute little all white 'I'm a student don't trust me with anything important' outfit. Then I would take a picture of the giant hospital that I'm walking into and possibly the bushes that I'm going to throw up in. I'm nervous.

Lets hope I don't make this face all day.

This weekend is Fall break for us (I love college). So I'm headed up to the mountains to see my ladies, and then the front range to get some business done.

Wish me luck.

Short Bus

Today was the marking of exactly half way through the semester. I turn my nose up to you long bus. Obviously not my ride. Short bus is all me. And I never travel without my helmet.

These midterms are smacking me around like a pimp.

When I left class yesterday, I sat down in the hall before riding home. The big guy looked over at me....Hey, your rocking back and forth like an autistic child'.

Can't speak, eyes glazed over, rocking back and forth. Yup, autistic.

I'm a pretty pretty princess

Tiffany has more photos.

The toast: (which was actually never done bc I left it at the hotel.....but thats ok. I'm not sure Tiffany could have counted to ten anyways. Ah who am I kidding, me either)

I'll give you 8 of them: (A is me T is my sister)

1. (A.) Full Nelson
*that's a wrestling move for any Canadians or foreigners reading
2. (T) Half Nelson
3. (A&T) How to wiggle out of a full and half nelson
4. (T)All of the words to Beastie Boys Brass Monkey
5. (A) Counter clockwise is the direction that your hair swirls in the toilet
6. (T)Legal definition of deposition, (A) and what not to say in one....CASE CLOSED!!
7. (T) Ryan has and will always have the final say in all of our relationships
8. (A) He also introduced us to the leading men in our lives......(T) Jose Cuervo (A) Captain Morgan

So I came up with a plan in Pitt. Somehow in the drinking fog I found clarity. My family does that to me sometimes. But I need to get some studying done to even come close to have the plan work. Don't worry....You'll see what happens, you think for a second you'll stop checking in? Honey please.

Exactly as I hoped it to be

I'm home I'm home!

My stomach doesn't feel very good, I've had 3 hours of sleep and I'm about to go cram a bunch of caffeine into my system and study up for tomorrows midterm. Tiffany will have pictures loaded soon, and I will steal them for your viewing pleasure.

Quick update. Erin looked beautiful, and Ryan was as handsome as his high school prom. Just with less hair. There was an open bar, and I don't think that Tiffany, Dan or I will be getting a Christmas present in the next 10-20 years because of our alcohol consumption.

If it makes you feel at all better Ryan, no one felt like a pretty pretty princess this morning.

Mom threw a spectacular rehearsal party, and has me thinking maybe I'll call on her for my graduation gig. That is if I stop typing and go get my studying in. Don't worry, I'll come up for air some time.

The wait would kill you I know

Ok. I had fun. Copper is funny, and still cute. I was upgraded from ice cream to sushi, which has got to be a result of my whitty phone banter.

Plus he picked me up in a bitchin camero. Really old, really sweet restored black camero. Really fast. Bitchin.

Then he gave me a hug at the end of the date.

What!! What the hell was that? Who hugs? I thought the rule was go for the kiss and potentially get slapped, or walk away. Go big or go home right? Awkward. Lost points.

Thats all I have to say about my date. Today I'm off to to see the fam via Denver, Chicago. & 7 hours later..... Pittsburgh

I'll be in for Ryans wedding.

Black dress....check.

Notecards for mondays midterms.......check.

Tiffany will be there with her camera. Thats right boys and girls. We'll see each other again very very soon. (I'll be in the black dress)

Packing the A Game

On Saturday at work my Boston friend comes running up to me.....

Amanda!
What!
Oh muy god, you arh never going to believe this (bad spelling is my attempt to write in her accent)
Tell me tell me

So this boyh thaat I have had a crush on forhever comes in to eat last night with his older brother. And they sit in my section and I am totally drooling over him.

(ah, I have created a mini stalker) I giggle.

And then his brother asks me....
Is there a blonde that works here, short hair?

(and she says) Yea, a couple.

I think her name is Amanda -------, lives above a -------- office. Cute?

(and she says) Whoa. Thats a LOT of information to now about someone.

Oh, yea. No, not like that. I'm a cop. I went to her house once.

(I gasp! What!) She keeps telling the story....

He says, Yea, apparently she told someone I know about it and said that I was cute.

(WHAT!! Dying inside)

He asked Boston some info on me, and here now 3 days later

He called.

I have a mini date tomorrow with the cop who showed up at my house at 3am with me wielding a paring knife.

House Arrest

There should be days in my life where a little midget runs in my house and yells:

Your too fragile! Don't go outside! Your bound to crack!

Of course I would reply.....Oh you don't know me, silly midget. I'm fine.

Then the next thing you know, you have a formal dress stuck over your head and your crying in a dressing room begging for help.

True story.

For some reason today, I got it in my head that I needed to find a more formal dress for my brothers wedding. (despite what he told me on the phone) Everything was on sale from last week being high school homecoming, so I bought a dress. A dress that needed a new bra, which landed me at the mall in the Victoria Secret dressing room. Pretty pleased with myself since I've made it to a B cup, I took into the dressing room 3 strapless bras and my dress. The first bra, although it seems harmless, is a device made by Satan. You can't see it, but there is about 40 little eyelet hooks down the back of it, and I'm sure is every teenage boys worst nightmare. I couldn't get it on. I was literally spinning around in the dressing room cursing. About a dozen

"Sweet Jesus" 's later......

the attendant asked me if I was ok. I aimed where the voice was coming from and launched that baby over the dressing room door.

"Get this thing the hell away from me!"

I had now been in the dressing room for 20 minutes and had yet to get anything on.

Bra #2, although easier to get on... Pushed up, and in, and apparently had growth hormone in it. I looked down.

"HOly shit where have the two of you been the last 28 years?'

Sweet! I pull on the dress. It's long and flowy and has two layers of fabric in it, I soon found myself lost in a dress. I eye myself in the mirror. Not bad. I lean over to slide the dress over my head and a layer or two is caught over my new found bosom. Crap. Wiggling is not helping. At first I was thinking...I have to be careful not to rip this dress.....Then the thought morphed to.....I am going to chew off my arm to get this dress off.

Still bent over like the letter 'n', with layers of fabric placing me in the black hole, I'm wiggling like a crack head when I spin and hit the wall.

'Oh son of a bitch!!'

Arms now firmly locked above my head I stand up looking like Steve Martin in a scene from The Jerk yelling Oklahoma Oklahoma!

And I start to panic. And in my frustration, start to cry.

You know where this is going now right? Straight to the girl I threw the bra at earlier.

'somebody please come help me'

I could give you more detail, but you don't need it. I'm safe at home now and will not be returning to the Victoria Secret anytime soon.

Have a laugh on me

So I was headed out to class yesterday, and decided to do a little switch a roo from the road bike to the mountain bike. Ya know, that way they don't think that I'm picking favorites. So I'm peddling out from the parking lot and I sit up on my bike to adjust my backpack (it's not zipped all the way). With my hands above my head looking for the zipper, my brain decides....'Hey kid, since you have the shocked ride this morning, lets do a little off roading.' The brain has forgotten my arms are above my head.

So I wiggle and bump and oh no, I leap (landing on my feet thanks to my inner goat), but the bike does the Tokyo kick slide without me and rocks go flying. So does my bike messenger backpack that still isn't zipped. In about the .007 seconds that this took place, I glance over to see the 2 construction guys working on the foundation next door, and then a fluttering of medical terminology notecards scatter through the air. One guy is headed over.
'Wow, that was impressive'
Oh god. I look down at the notecards. We are going over the reproductive system. There are notecards scattered over the front lawn with words and descriptions of uterine lining and penises, and vagina just got caught in the breeze and is blowing around towards the bushes.
'No , no don't help me, don't look at the cards! Don't read the cards! I'm ok, I got it. DON"T READ THE CARDS!' I look over and see the card for infection in male cateterization.
I grab most and run after vagina and it's Latin meaning. Noooo!

Dear god. I hope you are getting a good laugh at this. Because certainly, I provide all of the entertainment for the neighborhood.

Good Night Nurse

Ok, it's a little past 5 and I think I'm sober enough now to type a half way understandable sentence.

Or maybe not.

So yesterday my BFF from Winter Park (Keva) stopped off on her way to NM. I was at work, and @10 she got to the brewery. I was franticly running around begging other servers to cover my morning shift so that she and I could catch up. Much begging and bribing landed me today offf, and in return I promised to pick up the bar tab of the guy covering my shift. He took that as a personal challenge. Lets call him 'Can't handle liquor'.

A few beers, into it, I was waiting for Keva, listening to the band when I looked over to see my stalkee (WHAT!!) with what can only be his girlfriend on his lap. Couldn't be a sister. Trust me, I tried to justify it on every angle.

Booooooo says the drunk girl at the bar.

Then Keva walked in, and all was forgotten. With the help of a shot or two.

(WHAT? You? The girl who 'there is no reason to take shots' took shots??!!?)

Yup.

Then I got a shot spit on me. An Italian Stallion to be exact. Yea, I know how that just sounded. 'Can't hold his liquor' was barely standing when he demanded another shot to be served. As he was swaying back and forth he started toasting 'To Cool Chicks'. Then leaned close to me as he put the shot to his lips.
'I got to tell ya girl..Sometimes..(he whispers into the shot glass)....Sometimes I think about you.'
Keva belts out a laugh. I toss my 'what the....' look in horror, bc of course my mind went where your mind went, and that look of shock was apparently so funny that the shot went mock speed out his pinched lips and all over the side of my face.

'Can't hold his liquor' was carried out of the bar about 15 minutes later. And me, well my skin still feels a little sticky.

Good Night Nurse. That girl is funny.

Red Boots

I picked up my tickets today. Still not knowing 100% what I was getting myself into, I checked Channel 5's Community events, and saw that the Pirate Fair is next weekend. Agrh! That would be fun.....
So Amy3 and I went to buy scrub accessories today and ran buy to studio to pick up the tickets. I was excited. I was surprised when we pulled up to the ...um studio, which if I had my camera you could see that it looked like my grandma's old house in Florida with a big tower in the front yard. I walked in to find this little lady sitting at a desk answering the phone. She ushered me to the basement where the 'magic happens'. I had the biggest grin on my face. Could I see Garth? Does everyone record in the basement??


About two minutes later and an introduction to 'The Team' I got my tickets. I'll be headed to the Rocky Mountain Horse Expo next weekend. The news anchor passed me... 'Congratulations on the tickets! You'll need some boots wear to the show.'
I laugh
'Don't you worry about me, there are some red boots that have been waiting for this day'

Some funny stuff

When I woke up this morning I promised myself that I was not going to have another day with my tail tucked between my legs. I was the whipping boy last week in lab, and then the lecture class bomb drop test... I'd be damned if it was going to happen again.. I can't say I understand physics any better, but whipping boy no more.

4 hours later, I get home to find my sweet dog watching the channel 5 news at noon. Dropping off books and putting on a sweater I reached for my keys just as the anchor said:

Call now and win 4 tickets. 242-5000.

I have no idea why I called, but my phone was against my ear and the next thing I know I was on air.

Guys, let me stress here....I have NO IDEA what I won tickets to. NO IDEA!!
You can't really ask when your on live TV either, especially when you didn't watch a second of the broadcast. I hung up the phone and looked at the dog. 'You want to tell me what that s all about?'

She wagged her tail.

'Thats your answer for everything!'

I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I pick up the tickets.

I'm sorry if I yelled at you

Ok, so I'm not having the best day.
I woke up tired (how in the hell is that possible?)

The heat in the bikram yoga class is broken, so instead of sweating it all out early this morning, I regretted getting up that early to feel like a lizard.

My stellar grades took a sharp turn south on today's physics test. I swear on the written exam section it yelled out 'say my name biach'.

I got home to find two letters in the mail, one from my lawyer and one from Nikon. The lawyer sent a stack of papers I don't understand the meaning of, and Nikon sent me a $102 bill to fix my camera.

Seems someone didn't buy my warranty story.

I take a deep breath and struggle with myself to grab for my medical terminology book and not the bottle of Captain. I convince myself it's too early in the semester to be drinking bc of a grade. I kept reaching for the book, and looking, and digging, and come up empty handed. Seems on Monday when the The Big Guy in class forgot his book, I gave him mine to study from, and we both forgot to give it back. I don't remember any of this, but as I called around to the houses I've been at for study groups recently, someone else remembered for me. Unfortunately The Big Guy lives and hour away and was out to dinner with his wife and daughter when I called him with the discovery.

The receptionist downstairs called out to me when I was crossing the front lawn. 'Amanda, Dentist Guy is being a real Dick today and wants you to move your Jeep to a side street.' I look up to see the dentist in the window. The window that was wide open, about 3 feet away. She called him a dick again twice before I could motion towards the window.

It maes me smile to know the universe dealt it out to a couple of us today.

I hijacked this blog...

So, Amanda's way too busy to blog anymore, so I've hijacked her site to keep you all posted. (pssst... it's me, Tiffany, the wacky-but-loveable-sister!)

So far, the Little Min is rocking out in school. She wouldn't brag, but she's kicked ass on all the big tests. Like, we're talking bleeeppp is the lowest grade she's gotten on one of the big ones. An honorary high-kick should be done by all. I mean it, everybody'd better be doing a high kick right about now. If you don't know how, go here and review...

Hmmmm, now let's have some fun with this blog. Time for funny Amanda stories from childhood and beyond...

1) When Amanda was a toddler, she took off all her clothes and danced naked on a table because the neighborhood kids weren't paying attention to her. She may have done this again a few months ago after one of her nights out with Liz. The police won't release the official report.

2) When Amanda was 3 or 4, Ryan and I convinced her that if she ran fast enough around the easter egg tree (the little dogwood tree we hung plastic easer eggs from in honor of the season) that easter would come faster and she could have her candy. Sucker.

3) Once upon a time, when Amanda was in college, there was an uncomfortable time period while the police tried to identify the skinny-dippers that broke into the college pool. Some will argue (ahem, Amy) that it wasn't breaking, just entering, since the door wasn't locked. Once again, the police wouldn't release the security camera videotape.

4) Amanda warms her clothes up in the microwave when she's cold. Panties included. Eeewwww.

5) Amanda is the reason I ever took a car joy-riding. (Sorry Mom and Dad.) That child was so freakin' persistent about getting a Cadbury's egg when she was 13 that I took the car into Ashville so she could get one at the Apothecary. Do NOT stand between that buck-ten body and a Cadbury egg unless you want to die.

6) When she wakes up, she really does have muppet hair. So do I.

7) We really did write the toast for Ryan's wedding reception on a napkin. She has it tucked into the pocket of a purse. I hope she remembers to bring the purse.

8) She lived in the trailer park with me for a few weeks. Every day when I got back from work, I would get the po-po report of where the cops had been and who was throwin whose clothes out on the lawn.

9) We ate dinner at a Mexican restaurant that was in the Shell gas station, then watched a Christmas parade with 7 santas in it. No wonder kids are screwed up.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. But don't be surprised if I bust up in this joint from time to time. You know, to keep you posted, or tell an embarassing story or two. Or more.

Looking like a drowned rat

Yesterday afternoon as I was walking out of class I came through the glass doors to be greeted by a downpour of rain. Fast, furious and very cold rain. Having ridden Flo Jo (the fastest baby blue bike a white woman with a black womans soul can ride) I knew I had to release the inner Lance and book it home. As I was tearing through the quad I saw my stalkee leaving the library. I check my watch and note the time. No time to follow, cold cold rain makes hip very angry. I did however give him some credit back from missing class this week. At least he was at the library right?
Then I pull through the parking lot and am quick to find that I have little to no brakes. The ride was just raised to a higher level on the Xbox. I do the Tokyo Kick Slide around the corner to the stop light and look up under my hoodie to see a bike I recognize. Wait a second. That's not my stalkee. There is no way in the 3 seconds that I saw him at the library that he has unlocked his bike and beat me to the light....this is someone totally different. Then something other then the torrential downpour hits me. I've been stalking two completely different men. I guess I'll retract my previous statement about being really good at this.

whoops

By the time I got to the house my Marmot rain jacket had kept my back and chest dry, but every other inch of my body was soaked. I was resembeling a wet shaking puppy at the pound. The dog was having a thunderstorm panic attack, and I was still laughing about my poor stalking abilities as I crawled into a pair of old sweat pants.

I spent the rest of the night looking over radiographic positioning, and trying to convince Sativa that she did not have to sit on my lap to protect me from the storm.

I guess I'll concentrate on my studies and leave the stalking to Dog the Bounty Hunter

Ouch. My head is killing me. I'm even trying to type quietly as to keep the pounding in my head to a minimum. It's not working. I'm suffering for your entertainment you know.

So lean close and I'll tell you a secret.

I've decided that since I would have an easier go at teaching a fish to ride a bicycle then I would of maintaining a health dating relationship......

I've taken up stalking.

I'm quite good at it..


Except my stalkee missed class this morning, which is really unacceptable in my book as far as his commitment level goes.

I like how I can sabotage a relationship without even having one.

Are my eyes bleeding?

Look at me. Look AT ME!!!! Are my eyes bleeding?

I'm sorry. Ok, I'm really sorry. I know I said it wouldn't stop me from blogging, but I could have been wrong. Plus with the camera shipped off to somewhere in India, who knows when I'll be back to my normal self. Well, I'm not saying I was normal in the first place, but you know what I mean.

Whats happened......

The bus is back and shifting like a dream. I was grossly over charged and cried in a mechanics office because he made me so mad. He said 'your not going to cry about it are you?' Which of course set off the water works like flipping a switch. How was he to know that there was so much pain and anxiety built up waiting to be unleashed? He looked at me like he would have rather been in the pits of hell, and STILL slapped me around with a bill. Bastard. On the positive spin I got a shitton of airline miles out of it. .

So I bought my ticket for the wedding in Pittsburgh. Lets hope I don't have to sit by this screaming kid on the plane.

Now, I know I'm lame, and my blogging is suffering, but I have 2 exams tomorrow, so on that note I have to go study more.

Lamest blog entry ever.

Draft

***First draft of Nikon letter explaining why I don't have my receipt, but should be considered for warranty on digital camera.***

Dear Nikon employee opening this box,

Enclosed you will find my Nikon digital camera. It was purchased by my family for my birthday on Jan.3 this year, and should therefore still be covered under the 1 year warranty. I called my mother to ask about the receipt and she told me it would be in the box..... then talked to me about my brothers upcoming wedding for 30 minutes. I did not find the receipt in the box, but my birthday card still is, so I am including it as evidence that I'm not making this up. (exhibit A) Please don't ask me to call her again to have her look somewhere else. In fact, here is her number ***-***-****. Feel free to call, she will not lie to you about the purchase date, and could possibly tell you about the wedding. Yes, we are all excited. Mom especially. It's the first wedding for her kids. I'd like to bring my digital camera.

I'm not sure why the camera stopped working. It just did. It says 'System Error 10', which according to Nikon phone support means, 'Mail back to Nikon'. Maybe next years model you could just put that as the prompt on the camera and save some cell phone minutes for us all.

I use my camera on a daily basis for my blog that helps my family keep track of me. Without the camera, my stories aren't as funny. In fact here it is: livinginamandaland.blogspot.com , you can look under the January archives and see when I got it. (exhibit b). You can also see first hand how much I use my camera. Please fix it and mail it back to me as soon as you can. My family will worry, and I need to have pictures of mullets for a contest.

Thanks,
Amanda

PS. I noticed your office is in El Segundo.....Didn't someone leave a wallet there once?

Everything comes in three's for me, so when the bus wouldn't go in reverse, and the mountain bike hit the shop, I knew it was only a matter of time before I hit the trifecta. Hence why I was watching the dog so close. Luckily for me it was just the camera. That's right boys and girls, the little guy kicked it, and tomorrow morning will be shipped back to Nikon, still under warranty. Thank god something in this trio is free. This can only mean one thing. The shit will hit the fan this week and I won't have any documentation to prove....say.....a mullet smoking Kools in a stolen trans am.

Oh well. I'll just start pulling from the archives show you funny pictures. Maybe.....one of me drunk downtown making out with the frog statue? Ah, sadly I was sober.

With the busted bus, my long weekend has me camping out at home. I figured although I am quite good at driving around town without reverse (try it one day, it can be fun), It might be a bad idea to venture out and risk getting blocked in on a down hill in Telluride.

I did get to hop over to Fruita yesterday to see Jon and Beth Fisk-Tarkington race in the crit. I would have pictures to show you how fast Beth was going when she won the race, but yea, the camera thing. Well, and the fact that I was running late from work, so I really only got to see Jons race. But I'm sure it would have looked something like.... this.....only faster with more snarling and Beth yelling 'Say my name Bitch'.

Anyway, that's how I imagined it to be.

All my toys are in the shop for Labor Day. Beck, Elvira. I keep eyeballing the dog waiting for her to sneeze.

'You feeling ok kid?'

Tail wags.

Note: Dog tail not broken

So this morning I woke up at 5, walked the dog, drank coffee, and had breakfast. More coffee more coffee and more coffee, I headed out for my physics test. As I'm peddling my way to class, I can't help but wonder.......How did I get the Rocky theme in my head?

I get to class. I lay out my pencil, a backup pencil, an eraser, and my super duper smarter then me calculator. My coffee is still hot.

I'm ready.

Rocky is still playing in my head.

I'm nodding along.

My professor comes in, chit chats for a bit, and hands the 5 of us each a 6 page test.

da tita da da da da ti da

Then she walked the line of our desks and picked up our calculators.

'You won't have calculators in clinical, you won't have calculators on tests.'

I actually heard the music come to a screeching halt and then start to skip like a record.

I feel violated.

I Do All My Own Stunts

I fell asleep in between class today and had this dream......

I was walking in the Nursing/Rad tech building when my professor taps me on my back.


'Hey, yea, Amanda? Ok, see there was this clerical error/computer glitch thing in the begining... and well, you were never supposed to be here. Well played. Here's your Oscar' (and she hands me a spray paint can)

'Well, I did do all my own stunts.'

And I wake up. *gasp* What does it all mean?

For god sake what were they thinking letting me in this department? You know what we went over today?

Physics.
PHYSICS PEOPLE!! I must be the first art student turned radiography student in the history of EVERYTHING. I think I might have better luck teaching a goldfish to ice skate.

I feel totally inadequate. (I should stop and take this opportunity to apologize to someone. Now knowing what inadequacy feels like, I really am sorry for what I said. I'm sure it really does happen to guys all the time.)

Now I don't want you to think that I'm giving up, because that's just not my style. I'm just having a bit of a belly ache from the pint of Marsha Marsha Marshmallow that I split with the dog. My physics book is on my lap. In fact I'm going to get back to studying right now. Just wanted to give you an update.

I'm ok. I'm ok. I'm ok.