The perks of living downtown. Just throw everything into a backpack, leash the dog, and we're
off. (Sativa makes friends no matter where we go. This little girl was drawing pictures in the dirt of what my dog was telling her. I found it adorable.)So my story today revolves around some very kind people and their terrible sales pitches of their friends to fix me up with. I think anyone who is not me will find this funny. Seriously, if your going to try and fix up two people, take a second and think about your sales pitch before you just dive right into it.
Have you had this happen before? Someone says:
Oh I have the perfect person for you to meet!
And then they proceed to tell you the most hideous description of that friend.
Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the honesty, but every time the look on my face says it all. (If you know me, you may have seen this face before.....Furrowed brow, head slightly cocked to the side, and the ever famous nose flair, mouth slightly open as if I'm going to say something, but have found myself speechless)
I had this look on my face last night, not once, but twice.
Scenario 1: (Coming from another server when I was at work) So Amanda, I was thinking maybe I could introduce you to my brother in law......(I'm making tea, so I find this conversation coming out of nowhere.)
What?
Yea, he's just moving back from Moab, been going through some hard times, trying to get his life back together. He's been in a lot of trouble, so he's coming here to live with us. Yea know, get cleaned up.
(I put down the tea filter and immediately that look has crossed my face)
And so you thought of me? Thanks Matt. Sounds like just my type. Lets work on that sales pitch next time ok?
Oh. Yea, that was pretty bad wasn't it?
Yea. I think I'll pass.
Hey, don't tell my wife I described him like that.
Scenario 2: (Hippy mama who found Beck for me comes flowing up to the bar well as I'm waiting for drinks)
Hey sister (she says)
Hi! (my inner hippy comes out and we hug)
Listen, my friend over there thinks your cute. I think you guys should meet, You'll like him, he kayaks.
Oh yea?
Yea, his girlfriend just committed suicide 3 weeks ago, but he's doing really well with it.
(oh my god, what is going on tonight?! The nose flares. Whaa? Speechless. That's part of your sales pitch?)
Peggy just looks at me. (She reads my look well) Laughs, apologizes and goes back to her barstool.
I know I don't have the highest of standards, but I know enough to back away from Mr. I just got out of jail and Mr. I'm about to be checked into therapy.
Speaking of therapy (I'm a winner myself I know). Does it seem weird to anyone else that I see my therapist through a TV screen? Seriously. I go into a room with a camera and a TV screen and she pops up on the screen and I appear on hers. As if that's not weird enough, a nurse comes into the room and sits in the corner.
Does anyone watch this show at home?
Am I a reality TV show and no one is telling me about it?
5 comments:
funny stories again, Amanda,
I totally know what you mean by that "hippy hug". I went to college down in Athens, Ohio -- punk and hippy central. Why must hippies do that hug thing? And it's a particular type of hug, just for the dread-locked, patchy-clothed, patchouli-smelling ones. (don't tell anyone, though: I like the smell of patchouli oil, but won't wear it in public cuz I don't want to be mistaken for a hippy. I mean, there are worse things to be mistaken for...)
now, what is up with that therapist-on-screen thing? We really are living in the future... though I can't help you out and let you know whether or not you're on reality tv; as I've reported many times in my blog -- we ain't got no stations in this here dwellin'.
~Nicole
p.s. how is it, Amanda, that you are still single? (just kidding --you mentioned that on another blog.)
Very funny stories Minn, but I want to know what Cookie was telling the little girl and what her pictures were. No need to tell you that I think you were smart to pass on the "offers" last night. Iyiyiyiyiyiyi!
Look Min, another OU Hippy reads your page, not just your brother. HIPPIES of the World Unite! Just remember that after you give them the look you should hit them with a heisman pose. Way to go on the pass. R
I would watch that show.
Amanda, have I got the guy for you. He works for a drilling company in Alaska and his father owns a logging company. He loves to hunt (bald eagles and baby bunnies are his favorite kill) and he's got lots and lots of guns. Oh yeah, and he drives a Hummer.
You guys would be perfect together.
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